Ah — that’s a good way to restate it — which helps me understand the concept better (still does nothing for Mr. Schizophrenia, but whatever).

That’s not right!

I don’t count third person apology as performative. If it really was a third person it wouldn’t count. “You see that guy over there who spilled the coffee on your skirt? He’s sorry.”

No.

Yep. Except, it was more along the lines after being a jerk all day, we’d be in bed, and he’d stand in the doorway and say, “Daddy’s sorry,” and close the door.

As I said: schizophrenia.

Like… “Dad’s sorry about the bicycles”?

When I was a kid, our father never apologized to my siblings and I, except in the third person. I think that counts under performative utterances. (As well as mild schizophrenia.) I’m going to keep listening for these now. Cool!

Yes! “I’m Bob’s biggest fan! You all look GREAT! So glad you came!”

Also though “I’m feeling matrimonial” made me laugh out loud. “I acknowledge that this is a wedding and fully support that.” “Marriage is important to me and I care deeply about Steve.” “I think at this point we all know how I feel.” Just SO many many bad ways to answer that question! It’s a great analogy for non-apologies.