Comments on: Poisoned apologies

By: We asked you to work for free to protect your ego | SorryWatch

We asked you to work for free to protect your ego | SorryWatch — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 20:48:43 +0000

[…] the extent this evasive communication (not directed to Ajayi herself) is an apology, it’s a poisoned apology. If she accepted it, she’d be accepting the ideas that they were lying to protect her […]

By: Parts of a bad apology | SorryWatch

Parts of a bad apology | SorryWatch — Sun, 12 May 2013 19:57:16 +0000

[…] cry while hitting you with something.) These swipes come under the previous discussed topic of the Poisoned Apology, an ugly […]

By: Sorry, I thought you were pregnant | SorryWatch

Sorry, I thought you were pregnant | SorryWatch — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 05:32:55 +0000

[…] There are a number of explanations that are likely to entail even more apology. “Sorry, I never thought anyone with a Southern accent could do such good research.” “Sorry, I didn’t think a woman would know how to do that.” “I only accused you of plagiarism because I thought you were too stupid to write that yourself.” “I’m afraid your clothing caused me to think you were a prostitute, and I just wanted to know what you charge. Out of curiosity.” “Wow, guess I was wrong about you being an affirmative action hire.” “As a heavy metal musician, I figured you were a racist like myself, and would appreciate the white power salute.” All are a kind of poisoned apology. […]

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 12:15:19 +0000

truer truth! Should be required reading for families at the holidays. “I’m really sorry that I hurt you but the real problem is you don’t accept that I AM right!”

Happy Holidays…

By: smc

smc — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 04:13:28 +0000

I am so sorry you were offended, I hope you get over it soon.

By: joan

joan — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 23:41:44 +0000

well observed and well written, sumac! thanks.

By: RexRay

RexRay — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 19:40:19 +0000

…but people really needed to hear it anyway.

By: Frances

Frances — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:02:00 +0000

I also think sometimes people are just clueless about what it means to actually apologize. They know an apology is required, but they have not actually taken responsibility for their actions. For example, the other day my husband said something that insulted me (made a statement implying that I hadn’t done a very good job at something.) When I got angry and explained why, he said “I’m sorry I insulted you.” So far so good, but then he ended there! So okay, you didn’t *want* to hurt my feelings, but you still think I did a bad job. A real apology would have included something like, “I thoughtlessly made a snap judgement that I see now is incorrect.” Or “I exaggerated a small fault and I recognize that overall you’ve done a good job.” When one just says “I’m sorry that I offended you” it is basically just saying “I’m sorry you feel offended by the thing I said (and that I still believe).” In order for it to be a real apology you have to “take back” the offensive statement in some way.

By: Frances

Frances — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 17:48:21 +0000

I just this minute experienced my own “SorryWatch” moment! It isn’t a “poisoned” apology, more of an “lame excuse-based” apology. Here is what happened: A friend on fb posted something about the Israel/Gaza situation. I made a comment about how her post was one-sided, and her friend went on a whole diatribe in which he called me a “moron” and a “jackass.” My friend told him that I am actually Jewish and my sister lives in Israel (so therefore I am not the pro-Palestinian anti-Semite he assumed me to be) and this is his response:
“My apologies then – times are of course tense for everyone.”
Oh yes, thank you for this heartfelt apology! I really feel better about your insults now.