Comments on: Should you ask forgiveness?

By: snarly

snarly — Thu, 25 Jun 2015 00:07:54 +0000

Thanks, Tanita. That Toast piece is great — debating giving it its own post here rather than just FB’ing it, which is what we usually do with stuff about which all we have to say is pretty much YESSSSSS or EWWW .

By: tanita

tanita — Wed, 24 Jun 2015 19:17:07 +0000

Further to yesterday’s conversation: “Genuine forgiveness is important for one’s soul and serenity. But an oppressive nation likes to use forgiving the sinner to get people to forgive (and thereby allow the continuation of) the sin. That we won’t do.

This is why, for today, for me public talk of forgiveness is out.” – from The Toast, “Misunderstanding Forgiveness” http://the-toast.net/2015/06/23/misunderstanding-black-forgiveness/

And here’s that vimeo: https://vimeo.com/131332874

By: snarly

snarly — Wed, 24 Jun 2015 02:34:29 +0000

Oh, Tanita, I would like to see that clip.

By: tanita

tanita — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 23:32:01 +0000

Wow, those five apology “language” steps to me are just still one real apology. I think their focus is on marital communication strategies — maybe those five different mix-n-match types would be more appropriate to reach someone with whom you’re in marriage counseling or whatnot, but I *still* don’t like to be asked to forgive, because that really is NOT mine to demand… and if you’re demanding anything from me, and you’re already on my List, woe be unto you.

My mom sent me a clip of a church leader attending a celebration of a church’s seventieth year of being together where he apologized to their AfAm membership for slights over the past years of being a mixed church in a racially damaged world. It was in light of Charleston, of course, but also acknowledging that no one has to be shot to have raw wounds, and that a church is allegedly held to a higher standard of behavior. The apology was unexpected and heartfelt. The surprise was the next speaker accepting the apology on behalf of — everyone. (He apparently felt he could do that, he’s AfAm.) It was a startling, uplifting moment which reinforces my belief that apologies – sans asking for anything – are effective.