Gosh, I didn’t realize you would get so mad. You don’t need to get so snippy. I’m sorry already. Back off!

I certainly did not intend to offend anyone, and did not realize
that such innocent remarks could be so misread. It is, indeed, my fault, in
that, not reacting that way myself, I was socially inept. Had I been
more alert, I should have realized that my remarks that was
“as arrogant as a Queen killer bee on speed” and “failing the exam for
blackboard cleaner,” could be seen, not as a light, even artless,
jest, but as an actual attack. I had been somewhat taken aback, I am
afraid, by his vicious little stab, that I “might, perhaps, not be
entirely in the right on that subject,” [Taxation,] and have spoken a
bit quickly. I apologize, of course, if any one was accidentally
offended by their mis-understanding of my remarks.

“I’m so sorry you chose to take offense to that.”

“If these shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: that you have but slumbered here, while these visions did appear, and this weak and idle theme no more [something] than a dream.” Screw YOU, Puck. and you TOO, Will.

“I’m sorry you’re upset, but… (anything. Anything said here is going to be bad.)

(That would work for most non-apology apologies! Including Mitt Romney’s response to that story about holding down the gay kid and cutting his hair. He could have used it instead of what he did say: “I don’t remember that incident…but as to pranks that were played back then, I don’t remember them all, but again, high school days, if I did stupid things, why I’m afraid I got to say sorry for it.”)