SorryWatch seeks to understand and illuminate the apology traditions of many cultures and faiths.

We were tipped off to a clear and beautiful example from Archdruid Eileen of the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. The Archdruid takes on the tricky rhetoric of a “sorry if anyone was offended” apology, cuts it open, raises aloft its beating heart, and flings that into the mosh pit.

Archdruid Hwfa Mon is sorry if you completely missed the point.

No, wait, bad metaphor. After all, Archdruid Eileen says the original Beaker Folk were “peaceful and gentle… except when massacring their neighbours to steal their wives and sheep.” (Also, not sure I can justify the mosh pit)

Let me rephrase. The Archdruid contemplates the horror that is a “sorry if anyone was offended” apology, respectfully unfolds its insulting implications, sets tea lights around it, and leaves it to make its own way in the world.

Archdruid Clwydfardd (on left) is sorry if you thought you had saved that seat.

To summarize the Archdruid’s elegant message:

Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. If you were offended, how did you even find out what I did or said, Nosy? You’re far too sensitive. If you were offended, it’s your own touchy, overly-informed, fault. You are to blame. I forgive you.

Archdruid Eileen’s version is better. I also recommend the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley website, which features a Thomas Hardy plot generator. And the Archdruid’s useful Liturgy of Healing for an Internet Connection. And which explains why Glapthorn was going on about elvenfolk. It’s a community where no bunny goes un-hugged.

Archdruid Cynan is sorry if you can’t take a little joke at your own expense.

The Beaker Folk of the Bronze Age left only scattered implements, such as spindles, copper daggers, and beakers. How sad to realize that whatever catastrophes overtook them would not have spared any websites they might have had. These would not have survived as did durable metal and pottery artifacts. Thus we cannot know whether the Husborne Crawley Beaker Folk’s website is truly authentic. Yet it has a noble feel. Probably it is as authentic as the Archdruid’s apology is sincere.