The apology letter to Terry Crews (delightful, funny Brooklyn Nine-Nine actor) from Adam Venit (handsy, gross, disgraced movie agent who groped Crews’s genitals at a party) is really bad. Spectacularly bad. Bad enough to warrant its very own Bad Apology Bingo card.

Venit actually wrote the letter back in March, but Crews released it publicly yesterday after Venit resigned from his high-powered agency job. The implication, obv, is that Crews accepted the apology only with Venit’s resignation.

Sorrywatch is glad that Crews is satisfied. But just because Crews forgives Venit doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. SorryWatch tweeted this very sentiment back when Lisa Brennan-Jobs’s memoir — in which she forgives her psychologically abusive father Steve Jobs — was published.

Same thing here.

Venit’s apology is so narcissistic; so full of heroic “I”s and “me”s; so determined to place himself on the same journey (?), the same moral footing (??), the same heroic character arc (???) as Crews; so unwilling to see himself as the victimizer and Crews as the victim; so disgustingly eager to move on to the redemption arc portion of the story that it generated its very own Bad Apology Bingo game! (The third in a series!) Adam Venit thus becomes the ONLY PERSON EVER (so far) to earned his very own solo card, with enough vile turns of phrase in one single apology to fill 16 squares. (And it would have filled the standard 25-space template if we’d included words/phrases/qualities that have appeared on previous Bad Apology Bingo cards, such as “Move Forward,” Vagueness, Self-Aggrandizement,”If”, Noble Talk of Our/My Values, Lack of Specificity, and “Move On”!) So congrats, Adam! We’re calling this The Adam Venit (‘Venit’ Is Only Two Letters From ‘Venal’) Career-Memorial (We Hope) Bingo Card.

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