Please enjoy this wildly catholic apology-song playlist (Dolly! Mitski! Ramones! Prince! T.I. feat. André 3000!) on Spotify, kindly curated by Snarly’s music-obsessed flutist/drummer daughter. Please note that this list is more of a VIBE than an apology. Nirvana’s “All Apologies” and Beyoncé’s “Sorry,” for instance, are not good ways to express remorse. (Great songs. But bad apologies! Beyoncé’s is bad-on-purpose. Nirvana’s is just sad.)

Snarly is particularly taken with the new-to-her “Sweet Forgiveness,” by Iris DeMent (not to be confused with “Sweet Forgiveness” by Bonnie Raitt), which, wow, really expresses how potent and healing it is to be forgiven by someone who loves you.

Sorry for parental bragging, and also for party-rocking.

Back in the day, there was a veritable universe of apology songs. Based on their sheet music, some of them were…unsettling. Here is a sampling, ranked from least to most unnerving.

Check out “Are You Sorry?” from 1925, below. The woman in the illustration definitely looks sorry. But what’s with the thunderous face of the woman in the photograph? All we can think is that the weeping illustrated woman cheated on the woman in the photograph and the woman in the photograph is still angry. Look at her expression. There is no ukulele arrangement that can fix this.

Next, let’s examine 1927’s “Why Should I Say That I’m Sorry When Nobody’s Sorry but Me.” A man lounges, smoking and sulking. Whose image is in the toxic cloud, we wonder? Is it him and his ex, or his ex with her new beau? Actually, who cares? The title of the song indicates that she is better off without him regardless. It’s obvious that he is a petulant loser, indolent and entitled. Who can blame her for rolling her eyes?

We are unsure of the role of the man in the illustration? But he looks shifty.

Also, again with the uke.

This woman in 1919’s “How Sorry You’ll Be (Wait’ll You See)” is clearly dreaming of revenge. She’s about to squeeze that butterfly in her well-manicured fist.

You can listen to the song here. It starts, “You’re going to leave me; you’re going away. I’ll bet you—well, I’ll bet you—that you’ll regret this day.” Yikes. It continues, “This isn’t the first time. You’ve done it before. Believe me, when you leave me you’re gone forever more.” Oh, yeah, he’s a dead man.

This woman from 1926’s “What Can I Say After I Say I’m Sorry?” seems less scary than her predecessor…on the surface. But look into her eyes. Those are the eyes of a bunny-boiler. She won’t be IGNORED, Dan!

This song actually became a jazz standard, recorded by Josephine Baker, Ella Fitzgerald, Nat King Cole, Benny Goodman, and Frank Sinatra. But honestly, if a red flag were a song, this would be that song. “I don’t know why I made you cry. I’m sorry, sweetheart, and yet…though you shouldn’t be lenient with me, I hope you’ll forgive and forget.” Regular readers know SorryWatch does not endorse asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness has to be earned; it’s a gift, and it is terribly rude to ask for a gift. And asking someone to forget as well as to forgive? Oh hell no. You don’t get to hold it over their head indefinitely when they screw up, but you also shouldn’t forget it ever happened, lest it happen again. As for “I didn’t mean to ever be mean to you; if I didn’t care I wouldn’t feel like I do”? RUN.

Also, ukelele.

The cover artist of 1919’s “Some Day You’ll Be Sorry That You’re Glad” has not only given this young woman murder eyes, he has managed to capture horror movie lighting.

The guy who dated the woman on the front of 1917’s “You’ll Be Sorry When I’m Gone” thought he was getting a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. He told his little friends in the Great War platoon, “Fellas, she’s wild! She doesn’t even marcel her hair or employ feather adornments!” Little did he know her hair was so big because it was full of secrets, and those secrets were all the bodies in the Providence River. Again, her eyes tell you everything. And that reddish splotch on the cover? I think you know what it is.

What a glorious font, though.

The body language on the cover of 1918’s “I’m Sorry I Made You Cry” makes us ask which of these people is going to kill the other first. “War Edition” indeed!

Bonus, the song itself is creepy as heck. The lyrics: “Dear little girl, have I made you sad? Your lips are trembling so. Those bitter tears will drive me mad. Jealous of me, I know! Do you believe there’s another girl? Do you believe me untrue? Thought I have wandered in life’s gay whirl, you called me back to you!” Sounds like gaslighting to us! The chorus goes, “One little word? One little smile? One little kiss, won’t you try? It breaks my heart to hear you sigh.” STOP PRESSURING HER!

An abridged, somewhat less cretinous version of the song was covered by Frank Sinatra in the 1940s and Connie Francis in the 1950s.

Perhaps 1921’s “You’ll Be Sorry That You Made Me Cry” is a response to 1918’s “I’m Sorry That I Made You Cry.”

In any case, we have no doubt that whoever wronged this woman was made to SUFFER. That lipstick says CORPSE AHOY.

It is 1926, and the lady on “It’s Too Late to be Sorry Now,” is gracefully curled up in her snazzy floral dress and adorable bobbed hair, having a brief cry over her ex in the cloud. Whom she has clearly dispatched. Our survey of sheet music concludes with an image that says POST-MURDER, as opposed to PLOTTING MURDER.

Don’t worry; she’s about to pick herself up and go out for more.

She’s got her dancing shoes on.

 

As this post goes up, the Restoration team is working on Burning Man cleanup, scouring the Black Rock Desert for any traces of 2018’s event.

Burners work very hard to Leave No Trace. Line sweeps, cross-raking, magnetic rakes – all come in handy. That works for stray washers, runaway bits of tape or lost beads. But what about the things you said that you wish you hadn’t, or the things you didn’t say and wish you had? What about those norms you violated? AND WHAT ABOUT THE SHIFTS YOU MISSED? Maybe not everyone is finished cleaning up after themselves. Magnetic rakes can’t help with everything.

That’s what PlayApology camp is for. SorryWatch has visited PlayApology since 2013. (To be precise, the Sumac part of the SorryWatch team has done so – Snarly seems dust-averse.) Including 2015, the year of the Awful Thing.

PlayApology helps Burners apologize. If needed, Apology Concierges talk them through what to say and how. PlayApology helps, when desired, by writing poems or songs for the occasion, and supplying cards, flowers, and gifts to go with the apology. (The flowers aren’t real, since live plants are not allowed in Black Rock City. This year there were elegant white roses made of bamboo.)

They also deliver apologies. For the first time, PlayApology was listed on the whiteboards for volunteer opportunities. Anyone could sign up to deliver apologies. Many people did, and many were delighted with the experience and came back asking for more apologies to deliver.

The hardest part is often finding the person the apology is for. “This apology is for Alkahest in Camp Brigadoon. It’s near 8:30 and Iron Giant. Look for a dome?”

Sumac went along in a quest to deliver an apology (for what we do not know) from one tent-mate to another, but no one was home.

Still, that was better than an apology Sumac helped deliver last year. That was for forgetting to bring Moscow Mules the apologizer had promised to pick up in Reno. We sang a song Sue Fernandez had written:

You were waiting for my sorry ass

To bring you Moscow Mules

I regret I was forgetful and

I acted like a tool

I would give you all the vodka in the

world if there were time

and I want to make it up to you

with a singing silly rhyme

I’m an asshole I’m sorry I forgot

Please enjoy these mini vodkas

Playapology has brought.

The apologisee stood on the step of her trailer and listened without expression. She did not actually snort, but it was clear the apology was not accepted. Keep in mind that she almost certainly did not want those Moscow Mules for herself, but to give to others, in accordance with the Burning Man principle of gifting. A few mini vodkas could not be a substitute.

Other newly-minted Apology Concierges headed out to deliver apologies for being shitty at putting up shade, for missing a shift, and for “abusing the bond between us.” There were also two different apologies for being SO BUSY at Burning Man that they didn’t manage to properly celebrate anniversaries.

This year Sumac was with a group of 7 that delivered an apology to a nearby camp, PlayApologist Jake improvised a short melody and taught it to us. We went to the tent at the front of the camp, and asked for the person to whom the apology was addressed. Some of her camp-mates gathered as we waited for her to appear. When she came, we gave her a bunch of white roses, a card the apologizer had written, and sang:

We are here to say – so sorry!

I forgot to bring more vegan snacks.

“I’m so touched!” she said, and hugged us all. “This is one of the best mornings of my life.”

Burning Man has found it good to have its own versions of many things found in the default world – an airport (Black Rock City Municipal Airport, FAA 88NV), a DMV (Department of Mutant Vehicles), a post office, urgent medical care, peace officers (the Black Rock Rangers), and so forth. Turn that around, and PlayApology is a Burning Man thing that the default world could use.

Snarly’s children had a flashback to their toddlerdom watching Yo Gabba Gabba on Nickelodeon, so we listened to a bunch of the show’s songs in the car. (Some highlights: The Roots loving their family, Eryka Badu offering strategies for when she feels down, Solange telling us that momma loves baby, Devo assuring us that they can work it out, MGMT pointing out that art is everywhere, and The Flaming Lips asking whether we could be a bat or a helicopter. Good times. But Nickelodeon, why is there no official version of Weezer’s “All My Friends are Insects“? That song slaps.)

Anyway: When Snarly’s children were toddlers, there was no SorryWatch. Now that we have been edified by SorryWatch, Muno’s song “I’m So Sorry” does not hold up well!

It doesn’t matter if you MEANT to do it, Muno. You did it. Rather than repeatedly assuring Toodee that you’ll make it better, MAKE IT BETTER. Less pleading, more action. Foofa forgives Muno immediately, but it wasn’t her castle! It was Toodee’s castle! Toodee needs a little time. Ultimately she does forgive — good on her — but it should not be on HER to say “we’ll fix it together.” Muno should have offered to rebuild the castle himself. Then she could have volunteered to help out or opted to make him do it.

To be fair, this is a show for preschoolers. Snarly does know this. Given the audience, merely modeling the saying of  “I’m sorry” is good…but modeling what to do after you apologize (don’t make excuses; make it right) would be even better. That said, the rest of the gang should probably be patient with Muno because with only one eye he lacks depth perception, and unlike some celebrities who apologize for their actions, he really didn’t mean to do it.

SorryWatch reader Pablo pointed us toward this wonderful song by Christine Lavin, “Regretting What I Said to You When You Called Me at Eleven O’Clock on a Friday Morning to Tell Me That at One O’Clock Friday Afternoon You’re Gonna Leave Your Office, Go Downstairs, Hail a Cab to Go out to the Airport to Catch a Plane to Go Skiing in the Alps for Two Weeks.”

It’s not a bad apology! She doesn’t say she’s sorry for “what I said” — she TELLS the apologizee she recalls exactly what she said and why it was, uh, overkill. She says she’s sorry for her hyperbole, but not for her anger. (“I don’t really want to see you dismembered by the marijuana-sniffing dogs when a simple little nipping would suffice.”)

Legit.

Whispering Jack Smith, (born Jacob Schmidt in the Bronx at the end of the 19th century) didn’t really whisper. He spoke-sung with a gentle, quiet, breathy cadence that he blamed on inhaling poison gas during his heroic WWI service on the battlefields of France. Good story! Actually, he was totally capable of belting, but he did really serve in the Great War, and who doesn’t love a good story and a memorable nickname? Whispering Jack’s soft, airy, talky-sing-y vibe was probably more a tribute to the development of the microphone in 1925 than to any need to whisper; it also helped distinguish him from the loud, raucous, vaudeville pack. His big hits were “Baby Face,” “Gimme a Little Kiss, Will Ya, Huh?” and “Me and My Shadow.”  He also appeared in an early Hollywood musical, 1930’s Cheer Up and Smile.

But we are here to talk about “Are You Sorry?” his popular apology number. And oh, Jack, no! 

The relevant lyrics:

 

Dude, no. First of all, if you want to get back together, you do not ask your former paramour if they’re sorry! You apologize to them! And leading with guilt (“I can’t forget the way you made me cry”) is a real warning that a person is going to just keep guilting you as long as you’re in a relationship. Then there’s lots of noodge-y, wheedling questions, and, reality check, anyone who says “it doesn’t matter who was to blame” is the one who is to blame. Whispering Jack’s own apology doesn’t come until the very end of the chorus, 11 sentences in! Feh!

If it helps any, the manipulative, demanding, winsome creepiness is even worse in “Gimme A Little Kiss.”

 

YOU IN DANGER, GIRL. Everybody just stop debating whether that Christmas song is rapey or not, because we just found the anthem of the #metoo movement! The guy just keeps pressuring the female listener; he flatly refuses to take no for an answer. It’s her fault that he’s blue! Why won’t she understand that she has nothing to lose! Oh, run like the wind, female listener! The song even uses the phrase”in a rage” when she won’t deliver.

Also, my teenage daughter walked in as I was listening to “Baby Face” and said, “Ew. Freak.”

Let’s stick to a different Whispering Jack hit, “I’m Afraid of You.” Better!

It’s never a bad time for an amazing dance number!

Behold this delightful video from ABCD, “India’s first 3D dance film.” It is a super-catchy song, but a very bad apology.

The lyrics (which you can read here) start off well, with the singer calling himself a fool. But following up that admission with “you got very big heart” is a red flag. It’s actually saying, “You are generous and forbearing; you will forgive me if you are true to your essential nature.” No. The listener is under no obligation to forgive.

“I come near near near, you go far, you go far, you go very very far” tends to be an indication that the apologizer should back off. I’m just saying.

As for “I want a big big smile and I want it only now,” oh hell no. Do not tell a woman to smile.

“Final warning, final warning, don’t you break my heart! Automatic guilty feeling…” FLEE, WOULD-BE APOLOGY RECIPIENT. GO VERY VERY FAR.

That said: I enjoy this video. The words are Mayuri Puri; the music is by Sachin-Jigar; the singer is Jigar Saraiya.

 

I haven’t yet seen this highly regarded musical. It’s apparently about being Canadian.

Your gracious hostesses Snarly and Sumac are not entirely up on Teh Music of Today. But here are the apology-related songs — of which Snarly is aware — that seem to be nominated for Grammy Awards tonight, either on their own or as part of a nominated album. First up:

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter; it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore…

Adele, no! If you haven’t actually apologized to your ex, you have not apologized! You cannot, in fact, “say that I’ve tried.” You are not off the hook. Did you actually apologize on their voicemail? Did you email? Did you — best of all — send a paper letter on nice heavy creamy stationery? Do that, Adele.

Also, if your ex hasn’t answered your “thousand” calls (I’m guessing this is hyperbole, Adele), don’t assume this means that “it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore.” You don’t know what the other person feels! And apologies are about the other person, not you. Don’t assume. Maybe they’re still angry, or deeply upset. You’re being self-justifying.

But hey, you’re doing better than the Biebs.

You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty
You know I try but I don’t do too well with apologies…

Yeah, is it too late now to say sorry?
Cause I’m missing more than just your body
Is it too late now to say sorry?
Yeah I know that I let you down
Is it too late to say I’m sorry now?

“Honesty” is an oft-used excuse for being an asshole, Justin. And saying you “don’t do too well with apologies” are not words that belong in an apology: Apologize well or don’t apologize at all. If you’re not gonna do it right, do like Beyonce. Just say Sorry Not Sorry.

We respect this.

And hm, what are the odds that Kanye — despite his extensive history of apologizing — will apologize to Taylor Swift for calling her a bitch in “Famous”? Not good!

Snarly will not be watching because she is refinishing a bed. But what Grammy-nominated apology songs did she miss? Let us know!

As I have noted multiple times in one of my non-SorryWatch outlets, I am obsessed with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which you should be watching if you are not.

This past week, the show tackled the phenomenon in which you desperately want to apologize to someone you know you’ve wronged, but you just cannot because THEY WRONGED YOU TOO. This kind of pridefulness means the two of you stay apart, yearning for each other, in a yearning that is best expressed in the form of an ’80s-esque music video complete with random white-clad gymnast.

Needs more billowing curtains, though.

The SorryWatch-key lyrics:

I really wanna tell you that I’m sorry

And I really wanna tell you that I am the worst

And I just wanna say

I miss you every day

And I will…

But you go first

 

I mean this is almost entirely all my fault here

But you gotta admit it’s just a tiny bit your fault too

This is so all on me but still you kinda have to agree

That sometimes you can be really

Passive-aggressive!

Self-involved!

So go ahead and say you’re kind of sorry

So I can say “Oh no, no, please!”  just like I rehearsed

If you open the door

I’ll apologize so much more

Yes I will…

But you go first.