Burning Man 2015 is close at hand. It’ll be a great time for many, a mind-altering time for some. Remarkable things will be seen and done.

Also regrettable things.

In 2013, SorryWatch visited PlayaApology Camp at Burning Man. PlayaApology Camp helps people apologize for things they’ve done. It helps them figure out what to say. It supplies gifts, poems, singing sorrygrams, and cards to help get the message across. You can apologize for yourself, or they’ll deliver it for you. “People are really excited to get apologies.”

SorryWatch visited PlayaApology again in 2014, over at the Nine O’Clock Plaza. The camp was in a hushed mood, because they’d just had to help someone apologize for something really really awful. (I’d like to say my shock at hearing about it is the reason my notes are so bad.)

Earlier, SorryWatch’s close personal friend Dr. Cheezie had categorized the apologies that had come in this far (Sexy, Drugs, General Hippie….) Dr Cheezie does this sort of thing professionally in the “default world,” although perhaps not in a sarong. I’m not sure if this includes the really really terrible thing.

The biggest category at that early point was Temper. “I snapped at Leo” kind of thing. That happens when you’re hot and tired and your awesome Wild Things booties with the giant claws are chafing your toes. But it’s still not right.

Under the category of Drugs I’d put the example Other Matt cited: “We left him on the playa when he was tripping his box off. Bad drugs were given… He was bad trippin’ all night… that was shitty.” They wanted to apologize, and they wanted help wording it.

Someone else knew that leaving their wet backpack on the mutant vehicle’s electrical equipment had been a bad move that needed to be apologized for.

Other stuff was more organizational, like missing the Greeter Camp meeting. Which was at 7 a.m., after all.

There were 19 people in PlayApology camp in 2014, many first-timers, and the camp held a training to teach the principles of good apology to them. Novice Catherine Melina felt genuinely useful. “It’s like confession, because first they have to tell us what they did wrong…. It’s fun – we get to help people in a way that’s psychological.” (Yeah. Fun till you get to the really really bad stuff.)

At a meeting for theme camp leaders, other camp leaders were delighted to hear about PlayApology . “They really liked our concept – because they can send people over,” said Liz.

Some people do need to have apology explained. Maybe to have someone say, “I don’t think you’re really sorry. I think you are mad.” Or why it’s a problem that what they’re trying convey is ‘I’m sorry if I thought that you did me wrong.’ No no no.

“We’re not trying to start conflict. We’re trying to solve conflict. After we explain it, they get it.”

And how better than with a haiku or a song? Sue Fernandez wrote this for a client I’ll call John Doe (sing to “This Land Is Your Land”):

John Doe is sorry

he has an ego

He’s on his knees like

Quarterback Tim Tebow

He’s really lucky

To have great friends like you

He was tired and acted like a fool.

Fruity Felix and I were touched by the apology from a mother to a daughter: “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”

What was the really really dreadful thing that the camp had to help apologize for? Well there was this guy. No one would say his name, playa or default. His camp had put him in charge of bringing all the food. For everybody. They kept reminding him, and he was grumpy, because of course he was on top of it. Only he forgot. The food. All the food. For everybody. For a week.

I don’t know if he forgot to do it at all or if, more likely, he remembered everything EXCEPT ACTUALLY BRINGING IT and it was sitting in a garage somewhere hundreds of miles away.

There are no restaurants at Burning Man. There are no stores. There is no insy-outsy making a dash to Reno for supplies.

They had been turned into a camp of beggars. I am sure they didn’t starve, that people fed them. At least I didn’t hear about any gaunt mummified corpses. But. I mean. One of the big principles of Burning Man is Radical Self-Reliance. It’s hard to be self-reliant when you HAVE NO FOOD.

The Conciliation Concierges of PlayApology were hushed and horrified. They did their best for the guy, though it seemed too serious for a sonnet, haiku, or singing sorrygram. And they put together a little food basket as a present from PlayApology. Because they had calculated their own food needs pretty carefully, it tended to run to fun extra items like salted plums.

He delivered the apology himself, so they didn’t know how it went over. “Maybe they’ll come in later and apologize for killing him.”

SorryWatch tells this story in a cautionary spirit. Going to Burning Man? DON’T LET THIS BE YOU.

After that it was a relief to turn to smaller apologies.

“I’m sorry for not making out with you.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“I’m sorry for eating 15% of your food.” (Oh no, not food again.)

“I’m sorry I forced you to ride upside down when that’s your biggest fear.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t volunteer.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like an outsider.”

“I’m sorry for riding drunkenly and carelessly on the pink ox mutant vehicle.”

You might be quite annoyed with someone, but if one of PlayApology’s Mobile Apology Experts bicycles up and sings a song of remorse–? “People just get really really excited. That someone cared enough to go to this length.”

Unless this is about how they forgot All. The. Food. That apology needs to be in person, for murdering convenience.

(Thanks to Jonathan Steuer and Josephine Ingall, for kind help with data collection, photography, and scanning.)