You all know Brock Turner? Convicted three-count felon? Stanford swimmer? Recipient of an astonishing, articulate and heart-rending victim impact letter, read aloud in court by the woman he sexually assaulted? Dude who could have gotten 14 years in prison but was sentenced to six months, of which he’ll probably serve three? His dad has issued some words that generally go along with apologies but in this case are not apologies. 

Just to refresh your memory, the judge in the case, a Stanford alum, said he was sentencing Turner to only six months because he wasn’t a danger to others and because “a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him.” (Yes, that is generally the idea.) The judge said that character references, including that of the criminal’s father, in addition to Turner’s lack of a criminal record, helped convince him that Turner was no danger to others.

A jury, however, had convicted Turner — who was caught mid-act by passing bikers who spotted him in action behind a Dumpster — of sexually penetrating an unconscious person with a foreign object, assault with intent to commit rape of an intoxicated woman, and sexually penetrating an intoxicated person with a foreign object.

Here’s the full letter from Dan A. Turner. It was read aloud in court and sent to the judge. It was obtained by Michele Dauber, a Stanford Law professor who helped lead the process to revise Stanford’s sexual assault policy back in 2013, and who has been tweeting about the case. As for the SorryWatch-relevant bits, here goes:

First of all, let me say that Brock is absolutely devastated by the events of January 17th and 18th 2015. He would do anything to turn back the hands of time and have that night to do over again. In many one-on-one conversation with Brock since that day, I can tell you that he is truly sorry for what occurred that night and for all the pain and suffering that it has caused for all those involved and impacted by that night. He has expressed true remorse for his actions that night. Living under that same roof with Brock since this incident, I can tell you firsthand the devastating impact that it has had on my son.

Regular readers of this site know that this is not how you apologize well. You apologize for specific offenses not for “what occurred.” You apologize specifically to people you hurt, not to “all those involved and impacted by that night.” (What night? What happened? What was the impact? Do you apologize to the pine needles and dirt in the woman’s vagina? Are they impacted?) What “actions” does Brock express “true remorse” for? The fact is, these words of apology are so nebulous as to say nothing.

The letter goes on to talk about how athletic, gentle and wonderful Brock is, and how much inner strength he has (“a major reason for his ability to cope over the last 15 months” — he’s a hero!) It talks about how excited Brock was to go to a school famous for Olympic swimmers, and how he got in and got an athletic scholarship despite the school’s 4% admissions rate. But the school’s “culture of alcohol consumption and partying” was bad for him! It was “modeled by many of the upperclassmen on the swim team and played a role in the events of Jan 17th and 18th 2015”! Way to take ownership of your son’s own actions, Mr. Turner!

Let’s ponder. What “events” might those have been? Whatever they were — and who can know, really? — it was obviously the fault of the culture. Not Brock. Brock was credulous and lonely and sad, only doing what the bigger kids were doing. “Looking back at Brock’s brief experience at Stanford, I honestly don’t believe it was the best fit for him. He was ready academically and athletically, but it was simply too far from home for someone who was born and raised in the Midwest.” You see, his wonderful midwestern values did not fit with those of the wild people of Palo Alto. Homespun Middle American realness is what leads to sexual assault. I read it online.

Mr. Turner concludes by saying that Brock will never be his “happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile” again. [Sic. Mr. Turner loves rapists, hates n-dashes.] Brock doesn’t love steak the way he used to!

These verdicts have broke and shattered him and our family in so many ways. His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. This is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life. The fact that he now has to register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life forever alters where he can live, visit, work, and how he will be able to interact with people and organizations. What I know as his father is that incarceration is not the appropriate punishment for Brock. He has no prior criminal history and has never been violent to anyone including his actions on the night of Jan 17th 2015. Brock…is totally committed to educating other college age students about the dangers of alcohol consolation and sexual promiscuity. By having people like Brock educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of binge drinking and its unfortunate results.

Having to register as a sex offender is kind of what happens when one has committed a sex offense. Despite what Mr. Turner believes in his son’s case, “20 minutes of action” should indeed have a steep price — pulling the trigger of a gun takes much less than 20 minutes, and somehow people (some people) are punished for it. As for the whole “never been violent to anyone including his actions” on the night of the rape, well, it sounds as though the medical personnel who catalogued the bloody scrapes, contusions and abrasions on the victim’s body, and the dirt inside her body, might disagree.

The true capper here, though, is that Brock wants to educate other college students about “the dangers of alcohol consumption and sexual promiscuity.” Alcohol consumption is not the issue. We’re not talking about liver damage. We’re talking about sexual assault. And by using the terms “alcohol consumption” and “sexual promiscuity,” Brock’s father is divvying up responsibility equally between his son and the victim. Arguably he’s blaming her more. (People rarely use the term “promiscuity” about dudes.)

Most importantly, there is NO ownership — by either Brock or his father — of Brock’s actions. Taking responsibility is the single most important part of an effective apology. As we’ve noted many times here on SorryWatch, the other elements are explicitly saying what you’re sorry for, expressing regret, acknowledging the effects of your actions, and trying to make things right. That last one means 1) making it up to the individual you’ve wronged and 2) explaining how you’ll ensure that you won’t do this to anyone else again. Brock’s dad’s use of “sorry” and “remorse” here have nothing to do with apology.

I understand that this letter is supposed to serve as a character reference and not a formal apology. I’m sure there are legal reasons for Mr. Turner to imply that his son and the victim bear equal responsibility for the “20 minutes of action” and “alcohol consumption” and “sexual promiscuity.” Except again: Brock has been convicted of sexual assault. A litany of description of Brock’s suffering, and the unfairness of having to be called a sex offender, and the fact that he didn’t steal his dad’s Doritos while awaiting trial (unspoken: hey, maybe Brock was more concerned about going to jail than consumed with remorse for having to be stopped by Swedish bike riders while penetrating an unconscious woman, one of whom was sobbing so hard after seeing what he saw that he could barely tell the cops what he’d seen) — all these statements, combined with the absence of apology TO THE VICTIM, indicate Mr. Turner has merely shown where his son’s sense of entitlement came from.