77 years ago today, Welles apologized for the War of the Worlds radio broadcast that terrified a nation. Facing a scrum of angry reporters, he explained, “You must realize when I left the broadcast last night I went into dress rehearsal for a play that’s opening in two days and I’ve had almost no sleep.” (Ah yes, an early adopter of the Chris Matthews “I was exhausted” excuse.) He was surprised people were so terrified, and while of course he wanted to make the scariest radio play possible, who could know that panic would ensue? “I’m terribly shocked by the effect it’s had….radio is new and we’re learning about the effect it has on people. We’ve learned a terrible lesson.” Welles trots out the patented “of course” — “of course we are deeply shocked and deeply regretful about the results of last night’s broadcast.” (Subtext: “It goes without saying. And yet you’re forcing me to say it. I hate that.” Orson, the words “of course” don’t belong near “I’m sorry.”)

I also like the not-so-subtle, HOW CAN I HELP THAT PEOPLE ARE MORONS explanation. “The date of the broadcast was 1939, and it came rather as a great surprise to us that a story — a fine H.G. Wells classic fantasy, the original for so many succeeding succeeding comic strips [COMIC STRIPS YOU DIMWITS] and adventure stories and novels about a mythical invasion of monsters from the planet Mars [MARS YOU IDIOTS FREAKING MARS] — should have had such a profound effect on radio listeners.” (At the end of the video, with no picture, you can hear that line rephrased, hitting all the same points, but with no surrounding noise — probably as part of a more finely crafted public apology to be used as a radio quote.)

Still, Welles was regretful. And look how broad-shouldered and cute he was with the stubble and everything. And in three years dude’s going to make Citizen Kane. I forgive him, how about you?

Happy Halloween, readers.