Colleges have a long tradition of ironing over certain problems between students. If someone screams because they got burned? They iron harder.

It used to work better.

This is about rape and sexual harassment, of course. (You guessed, didn’t you?) Grinnell College was continuing in the time-honored let’s-keep-it-quiet-it’s-best-for-everyone vein of vicious cruelty.

You don’t want to involve the police just because you were raped! We’ll protect you! We’ll talk to him. It’s going to be okay.

Grinnell liked to suggest that students who reported a sexual assault go to mediation with the attacker. They did this even after the federal Department of Education sent a letter to all colleges and universities saying that “it is improper for a student who complains of harassment to be required to work out the problem directly with the alleged perpetrator” and “in cases involving allegations of sexual assault, mediation is not appropriate even on a voluntary basis.”

One student who said she had been raped, and that 10 minutes after the attacker left he texted “If you ever tell anyone God help you” was pushed into mediation. According to a Grinnell letter the Huffington Post saw, the man “took responsibility for what he did and regretted it.” So we’re all good!

He didn’t exactly unmistakably admit rape, though. The woman felt worse than ever after “mediation,” and insisted on a college hearing process. Despite what he said in the hearing, the text messages, and photos of her bruises, the hearing found him not responsible for sexual misconduct. Just “disorderly conduct” and “psychological harm.” He got a year’s probation and a no-contact order. Which would not prevent them from being in the same classes and teams. (Grinnell’s small, with around 1,700 students.)

It turns out that part of Grinnell’s all-fixed! policy is to make men who’ve committed sexual assault write brief apology letters. Then back to normal.

I bet they say, ‘I think we’ve all learned something.’

But things tended not to go back to normal for the women. Six complainants (some of whom left school after Grinnell ‘handled’ their cases) filed a complaint against the school on the grounds that their Title IX rights had been violated.

The apology letter one student received runs:

Dear [First Name],

I am sincerely sorry for the pain you, your friends and your family have experienced. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to come forward to the school about this and talk about this with your family. It must have taken an enormous amount of courage and strength to do so. I am truly sorry that I did not treat you with the respect that you deserve. I am sorry that you had such difficulty completing the academic school year. Finally I apologize for any part I may have played in creating awkwardness between you, the baseball team, and the coaches.

Another, even shorter “apology” letter from another man to another woman included an admission that his

actions on the night of February 9th did not meet the definition of effective consent

and that he hopes he’ll

never commit such a heinous offense ever again.

This enrages me so many ways. I feel terrible for the women who were repeatedly mistreated. I hate the fact that rapists were getting away with it. And I hate the spectacle of hypocrites hijacking the awesome power of apology. Trying to hijack the power, actually, because it’s not working.

When the recipient of an apology follows up with legal action, that’s a hint it wasn’t accepted.

Look at the first awful letter. The only thing he takes responsibility for is not treating her with respect. That’s minimizing—sounds like maybe he dismissed her analysis of T.S. Eliot. The rest is all condescending pity for her pain. The pain she experienced. For some reason.

That the hearing board let him get away with such an evasive, insulting flake of garbage, that they claimed he “took responsibility for what he did and regretted it,” shows they don’t understand apology except as sparkly spray paint for covering things up.

The second one is even worse. It minimizes the offense with “it did not meet the definition” and moves into ugly sarcasm with “such a heinous offense” and “ever again.” (Read the Huffington Post story if you want more unpleasant details about this guy’s sadistic views.)

The school really wanted it to go away.

When a student publication, the Grinnell Underground Magazine, ran an op-ed by a woman furious at the way the school handled her charge, the head of student media fired the editor. That didn’t help. Part of the problem seems to have been the use of the word “rape” instead of “sexual misconduct.”

A student group, Dissenting Voices, was formed and began protesting at campus meetings.

Grinnell’s president then asked the Department of Education to come investigate whether the school’s in compliance with Title IX. Whether Grinnell knew the HuffPo was coming out with a story is debated. They deny it. They have already made changes to the way they will handle sexual harassment and assault charges, getting rid of the panels (the ones that had the apology letters written).

I am sure things are now changing for the better at Grinnell.

But I doubt that anyone will address the part about degrading our public discourse with crimes against apology.

Unless – the English department?