Jim Toth and Reese Witherspoon managed to both be arrested on one DUI. Actually, Witherspoon was charged with disorderly conduct.

Around 3:30 AM last Friday, Georgia State Trooper First Class J. Pyland pulled Toth over for weaving on Peachtree Road in Atlanta’s Buckhead District. Toth was drunk all right, later getting a blood alcohol reading of .139 (.08 is the legal limit).

I’m helping!

Witherspoon, adorably concerned for Toth (her husband), got out of the car, something which troopers and police just hate. Pyland told her to get back in, and she did. But she was vocal, asking if he knew who she was. Saying she didn’t think he was a real policeman.

She got out again, and when told to get back in, said she was a US citizen, entitled to stand on American ground. He cuffed her and ran them both in.

She has since issued an apology.

Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said. It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am. I have nothing but respect for the police and I’m very sorry for my behavior.

Wait. One drink too many? When you’re razzing the rozzers on Peachtree Road, I’d say it was more than one too many. Along with “The words I used… do not reflect who I am,” she’s not taking enough responsibility.

“That’s not who I am” is a frequent part of bad apologies. But it should be more like “That’s not who I think I am,” or “That’s not what I want to be,” or in this case, maybe “That’s not who I am sober.”

I don’t even think you’re a real photographer!

This could be a funny scene in a movie, with the Witherspoon character leaning out the car window, hilariously heckling trooper Pyland. I’m a Reese Witherspoon fan, and I bet she’d do it well. But I don’t want to see it in real life with a car being piloted by a drunk. That’s dangerous.

Take a damn taxi. I bet you can afford it.

(Confidential note to certain news entities. If you take out words in the middle of a quote, you should indicate that with an ellipse. Don’t go right from “doing his job” to “I have nothing but respect…” with no sign something’s left out. It doesn’t make much difference here, but sometimes hollowing out a quote makes a lot of difference. Lawsuit difference. It’s bad journalistic practice, CBS. CNN, I’m surprised I have to tell you this. Variety! What do you have to say for yourself?)