Making fun of people who do not speak English! Plinky plinky music! Kara-TAY! “Do they call Chinese food in China just food?” Nunchucks! Chinese herbs for “performance”! OH HO HO HO HO HO HA HA HA that’s not racist (or hack-y) at all.

Oh wait, yes it is.

Honest, you don’t have to watch the video, which aired Monday night, but we present it as an option for your distaste and horror needs because we are JOURNALISTS. That self-satisfied Bret Easton Ellis character with the mic is Fox News’s O’Reilly Factor correspondent Jesse Watters. Watters chuckled racistly to Bill O’Reilly at the end of the piece, “They’re such a polite people, they won’t walk away or tell me to get out of here!” O’Reilly responded in his avuncularly and racistly, “It was gentle fun. I know we’re going to get letters, but it was gentle.”

Reaction was swift. 

State Senator Daniel Squadron (whose district includes both Chinatown and Snarly’s apartment) issued a statement:

Jesse Watters brought the kind of disrespect to my constituents that has been all too common this election cycle: stereotyping, mockery and a thinly veiled disdain for immigrants.

Unfortunately, one of the real costs of Trump’s divisiveness is the climate of racism and disrespect it’s made commonplace in our national discourse. That’s unacceptable in Chinatown, unacceptable in New York, and must be unacceptable on Fox News.

And to Jesse Watters: welcome to my district — hope you don’t come back.

City Council member Margaret Chin (who also serves District 1, Snarly’s district) was born in Chinatown; her elderly mother still lives there. She was quoted in The Lo-Down, a blog that serves the Lower East Side:

…the moment when [the] correspondent mocked a senior citizen who seemingly did not know English stood out as a particularly mean-spirited act of disrespect. Would Bill O’Reilly or his correspondent treat an elderly Irish grandmother in the same manner? I suspect the answer to that question is emblematic of the persistent racism that still exists against Chinese Americans, who more than a century ago worked alongside Irish Americans to build the railroads that connected this continent. It is a legacy of hate that has been given new life and a national platform by the candidacy of Donald Trump and his allies at Fox News.

The mayor of NYC, Bill de Blasio, and the mayor of San Francisco, Ed Lee, both tweeted their disgust.

The Asian-American Legal Defense Fund was not psyched either.

(As the Vox piece points out, nunchucks and karate are Japanese, darling.)

Watters eventually apologized on Twitter. Not well.

Sigh. We gotta do this again? Fine.

1. “Meant to be taken as tongue-in-cheek” = JEEZ YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR
2. “I regret if” (The word “if” does not belong in an apology; you regret “that”)
3. “if anyone took offense”  (People clearly DID take offense; there is no “if”)
4. “took offense” = GOD, LIGHTEN UP, YOU GUYS ARE SO SENSITIVE
5. “As a political humorist” = GOD, LIGHTEN UP, YOU GUYS ARE SO SENSITIVE
6. “As a political humorist, the Chinatown segment” (Misplaced modifier; please take a remedial English class)
7. “as all Watters World segments are” = YOU GUYS KEEP SAYING I’M RACIST LEMME ROLL MY EYES AT ALL PAST AND FUTURE COMPLAINTS NO BACKSIES
8. “all Watters [sic] World segments” (FYI, your segment is officially spelled Watters’ World! Not Watters World! HA HA YOU LIVE IN AMERICA; SPEAK ENGLISH! Snarly’s 11-year-old has found Spelling City very helpful!)

The Asian-American Journalists Association also has notes for you, Jesse.

It’s one thing to be “tongue-in-cheek.” It is something entirely different to hide behind the guise of political humor while using racial stereotypes….

Watters interviewed people for whom English is obviously not their primary language, raising ethical concerns of whether they were aware of how they would be portrayed.

We are interested in ensuring that Fox News and “The O’Reilly Factor” do not repeat this type of objectionable segment.

What type of diversity and sensitivity training is being undertaken in the newsroom to broaden the understanding of the diverse audience of 2016?

Exactly. “Here are the steps I’m taking to prevent this from happening again” is an essential element of a good apology. As a reminder, the others are: 1. Use the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize,” not “I regret.” Regret is about your own emotional state; an apology is about the listener. 2. Say precisely what you did wrong. (The phrase “the Chinatown segment” is not specific enough.) 3. Acknowledge the impact of what you did. (By making fun of folks who did not sign up to look stupid on television, you hurt many people, contributed to a racist, lazy cartoon picture of Chinese-Americans, and revealed a profound lack of understanding of Chinese culture, which BEE TEE DUBS is not Korean or Japanese culture, as you elided.) 4. Offer a short explanation if there is one. (In this case, “I was trying to be funny but I failed, and my jokes were the same kind of dated, bad brick-wall-backed comedy that’s been done since the 1950s because, as I said to Bill, I am paid to chase people with a microphone and mock them; I am not paid to be creative or thoughtful, so I saw no point in trying.”) Finally, you say why it won’t happen again (missing) and how you’re going to make it up to the person or people you hurt (also missing).

Jesse. Take your played-out tuft-y dated high-fade haircut and go home. If you want to think about how to atone, you’re welcome to come to Yom Kippur services with me. Maybe you’ll come up with awesome material on Those Clannish Jews!