Now we know the main character’s name is Jack and it sure seems as if he’s being forced to apologize. The book’s artist, Julie Kwon, is amazing at physically depicting RAGE. We see Jack rabidly (and apparently LOUDLY) sharpening a pencil while other kids look on in alarm. And we see Jack following the instructions on the whiteboard to PAINT YOUR FEELINGS, as he furiously Pollocks all over his paper and spatters a fellow student.

 

 

Gradually — through the notes Jack writes and the way his teacher Ms. Rice responds as she urges him to try again — we understand what Jack has done. He’s destroyed his classmate Zoe’s castle. Jack’s apologies cycle through “I’m sorry you got mad but it wasn’t my fault” to “I’m sorry that such a cool castle got knocked over” to, eventually, after multiple attempts, getting it right. As he writes in a note to Zoe, Ms. Rice has explained to him that “a real apology has to say three things: 1) What I did 2) That I’m sorry 3) And I’ll help you fix it.”

We learn that Jack was jealous because he wanted to join Zoe in playing in the castle, but Ben and Jeremy said that castles were only for girls. (Nice quiet subtextual lesson in how gender essentialism hurts everyone!) But the friends aren’t mentioned in Jack’s final apology note. Excellent choice, Jack! As we say in our apologies-for-grownups suggestions, an explanation can all-too-frequently become an excuse. Jack needed to take ownership of his actions, and ultimately he does. He writes a great note (no spoilers here!) and Zoe forgives him.

An aside: I’m delighted that Jack doesn’t ask Zoe for forgiveness. As we have noted in our book (now out in paperback as Getting to Sorry!) and elsewhere, forgiveness is a gift to be granted; it’s rude to ask for a gift. Too many adults (teachers, even!) don’t understand that. Instead, Jack offers a suggestion for how he can make amends. That’s perfect. (Fine, you know we’d say that in addition to Mrs. Rice’s three things, a good apology should include 3.5 more things: Show you understand why what you did was bad, don’t make excuses, explain the steps you’re taking to insure that you don’t do the thing again, and LISTEN while the other person has their say. But this junior version works for us.)

The super-minimal text and the amusing art work together beautifully in I’m Sorry You Got Mad; young readers who enjoy studying the pictures will see notice that Zoe REALLY loves castles (she’s shown reading a book about castles, feeding the class goldfish in its bowl with a castle, and building another castle) and that lots of kids in the world, not just Jack, have big feelings. In another spread, we see a little girl looking devastated because she spilled her cup of water on a classmate’s shirt and we see the classmate wailing his head off. We see kids at a worktable clearly arguing intensely about something they’re writing. To her credit, Ms. Rice doesn’t shame anyone for their emotions or their behavior. She works to solve problems and teach kids how to self-regulate.

This book would be a great read-together for the Jewish High Holidays, as we ponder the ways we want to do better.

Finally, a reminder: Picture books are a conversation. Don’t expect the wee folks in your world to fully understand I’m Sorry You Got Mad (or any other book!) if you read it aloud to them. Talk about it together. Why was it so hard for Jack to say what he did? Why was it important that he helped Zoe build another castle? When was there a time that you, the actual real-life grownup holding the book, had to apologize? Was it hard?

Probably. We are all Jack.