Dundee United were playing Dinamo Moscow. It was an exciting game, a Europe League qualifier. Willo Flood scored a goal. Dundee players piled on top of each other in exuberance. Follower Loopy McFanface*, 26, raced out onto the pitch and plunged onto the happy heap. Celebration!

This was not a popular move.

Dundee United announced that McFanface was banned for life from Tannadice Park. The UEFA (Union of European Football Associations) fined Dundee £13,500 for McFanface’s invasion of the pitch – along with brawling that began when Dundee fans threw objects and liquids down onto a lower tier where Dinamo fans were sitting, and the Russians climbed up to object.

That was in August. (The game was a draw, 2-2.) A few months later, in court, Sheriff George Way warned him to stay out of trouble. Having heard that McFanface faces “other soccer-related charges” in Paisley, Way deferred sentencing, but warned that if he did not keep out of trouble, “I’ll craft the most awesome football banning order ever. He’ll be lucky to see a match even if he gets a flight to outer space.”

Among other things the court was told was that McFanface had been at a wake earlier, and that “A good deal of alcohol was taken before the match,” according to his solicitor. The solicitor also told the court that McFanface had written to Dundee United’s club chairman, Stephen Thompson, to apologize, had met with the club, and that his apology had been accepted.

This soon proved to be an unpopular statement. Dundee United said they knew nothing of any such letter, there had never been any such meeting, and McFanface is still banned from Tannadice forever. His solicitor declined to comment when called by a newspaper reporter.

Now, don’t all jump on me.

One suspects McFanface’s troubles are not over. (I also suspect he might be the Loopy McFanface who declared on Bebo (in a Dundee United group) “Love getting blotto at weekends”. Though really, that could be anybody.)

But don’t you admire McFanface’s efficient approach? Simply declare that you’ve apologized and your apology was accepted. No worries about how to phrase things, who to address the letter to, or how the other party took it. Glad that’s over with!

Celebration!

*Not his real name. In 2017 the person involved asked SorryWatch to take the post down for reasons of privacy. This is our compromise.