It’s expensive to run for public office. But once elected, you can run your next campaign much more cheaply if you make aides and assistants work on it from the office of whatever position you’ve managed to get. Free labor! Free supplies! Free copying! Free internet! Free phone!

True, that’s all illegal. True, that’s not what the voters elected you to do. But it sure makes things easier.

If your family’s in politics, maybe you could even help each other out. Assuming that works with your values. Joan Orie Melvin comes from a political family in Pennsylvania. In 2010 her sisters Jane Orie, a state senator, and Janine Orie, were arrested. They were accused of using Senator Orie’s staff and resources to help Joan Orie Melvin’s 2009 successful campaign to be elected to the State Supreme Court, a sweet 10-year gig. She had previously been a judge on the Superior Court.

I realize this is getting confusing. The focus of this story is Joan Orie Melvin, who has siblings Jack, Jane, Janine, and Judith. She has other siblings whose names I don’t know, but I bet they start with J. Keep your eye on Joan. I’ll call her Orie Melvin.

In 2012 Orie Melvin was arrested, charged with using legislative and judicial staff to do campaign work. Illegal. In 2013 she was found guilty of felony theft of services, felony conspiracy to commit theft of services, misapplication of government property, and conspiracy to tamper with evidence.

The sisters’ trials had been tempestuous, in the media and in the courtroom. The Ories said they were victims of a vendetta by prosecutor Stephen Zappala.

In the end Orie Melvin was convicted of having misused her own official perquisites and those of her sister Jane (the ex-state senator, now disbarred). Jane and Janine were convicted in a separate case.

You might think judges would go easy on a fellow judge. Understanding how hard the job is, how petty the regulations, how easy the missteps. But apparently not.

On the contrary, those judges judging Orie Melvin and her sisters seemed infuriated by having had their profession cast into disrepute.

Judge Lester Nauhaus, of the Common Pleas court, not only sentenced former Judge Orie Melvin to three years house arrest, but ordered her to work at a soup kitchen several times a week. To top this off he ordered her to send a letter of apology to her former staff and to every jurist in Pennsylvania written on a photograph of herself in handcuffs. He spoke of Orie Melvin’s “stunning arrogance.”

I think he was mad.

Orie Melvin appealed the apology provision. She said the admission of guilt would be a violation of her constitutional rights against self-incrimination. (I don’t have to admit nothin’ never.) The Superior Court disagreed. They said she had to write the letters. But they said the part about writing them on photos of herself in cuffs could be skipped, because that was just meant to “shame and humiliate” her.

Maybe a little too creative, Lester?

Okay, okay, Orie Melvin sent a letter. Letters. One to jurists:

To the Members of the Pennsylvania Judiciary:

I was accused of misusing my office to assist in my campaigns for Supreme Court in 2003 and 2009. I plead not guilty. I was afforded a trial and I was found guilty. I have now exhausted my direct appeal rights. As a matter of law, I am guilty of these offenses.

As a condition of my sentence, the judge ordered that I write letters of apology to every member of the Pennsylvania judiciary and to my former staff members. This has been a humiliating experience. It has likewise brought unfathomable distress to my family.

In reflection, I wish I had been more diligent in my supervision of my staff and that I had given them more careful instructions with respect to the prohibition on political activity set forth in the Supreme Court’s Order dated November 24, 1998.

I know all of you take pride in the Pennsylvania judiciary and that the publicity of my case has had an impact on the public’s perception of the judiciary. I apologize to you for any difficulty it has imposed upon your discharge of your responsibilities as a judge.

I hope that my case will serve as a cautionary tale to all of you.

And to her former staff:

I was accused of misusing my office to assist in my campaigns for Supreme Court in 2003 and 2009. I plead not guilty. I was afforded a trial and I was found guilty. I have now exhausted my direct appeal rights. As a matter of law, I am guilty of these offenses.

As a condition of my sentence, the judge ordered that I write letters of apology to every member of the Pennsylvania judiciary and to my former staff members. This has been a humiliating experience. It has likewise brought unfathomable distress to my family.

In reflection, I wish I had been more diligent in my supervisory capacity and that I had given more careful instructions with respect to the prohibition on political activity set forth in the Supreme Court’s Order dated November 24, 1998.

I apologize for any difficulty my case has caused you.

Hi, whoever. SEE, I am apologizing because they FORCED ME. Because they claim I am guilty. It has been So PAINFUL! So AWFUL. Such TORTURE! Sorry for any difficulties. AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Saying that HURT ME!

There are some slick evasions there. ‘Sorry for any difficulties my case has caused you.’ (Because it’s about my suffering. Anything you’ve experienced has been collateral damage from attacks on ME.) ‘As a matter of law, I am guilty.’ (But only as a matter of law.) ‘Learn from me and watch your staff like hawks – just because I didn’t supervise my staff every second, they ran amok campaigning for me, and got me in this trouble that has hurt my whole family.‘

The Alleghany County district attorney’s office apparently got the letter and didn’t like it. They complained to Judge Nauhaus, who scheduled a hearing.

Judge Nauhaus didn’t like it either. At the hearing, he seemed mad all over again. “This isn’t an apology,” he said. He found it “unsatisfactory.” He felt that his efforts to instill humility in Orie Melvin hadn’t worked. Yet.

He told her to try again. This time, show him the letters before she sent them. Send them to individuals, not just “Members of the Pennsylvania Judiciary.” He ripped up at her lawyer for his part in sending the shoddy apologies, which came with the law firm’s name on them. He told the lawyer he’d be held in contempt if his firm did anything on the next letters except put stamps on them.

So Orie Melvin wrote new letters. It took about six months, so they must be great, right?

Here, for example, is the one Judge Manning received:

Dear Judge Manning,

Please allow me to apologize for my conduct. I fully acknowledge any harm caused by my crimes and accept responsibility for my conduct.

As a former member of the Pennsylvania Judiciary, I realize that my conduct has impacted the public’s perception toward the judiciary and the difficulties it has imposed upon the discharge of your responsibilities as a judge.

I accept responsibility for the crimes for which I have been convicted. I regret any harm my conduct has caused you.

Sincerely,

[photocopied signature]

Well, it’s not as awful. But it is very bad. Sloppy grammar aside, it is still nonspecific. She’s given up saying that she’s only guilty as a matter of law. She actually says “crimes.” But a person who didn’t know the story would not be able to tell what her “conduct” had been. Making public employees work on her personal campaign machine? Or showing up drunk and cursing out her co-workers? Accepting bribes for verdicts? Letting off stink bombs in courtrooms? Could be anything.

The phrase “any harm” is just another form of “sorry if.”

The photocopied signature adds a touch of defiant distancing.

However, Judge Nauhaus saw the draft and said it was okay. Maybe he’s just tired of dealing with it. Maybe he feels that you could keep Orie Melvin in chains for years, ordering her to apologize, and she’d endlessly come up with work-arounds.

‘Sorry my kangaroo court martyrdom could allegedly reflect on you.’

‘It’s regrettable if anyone thinks you run your office like I did, not that I believe that was a problem.’

‘Too bad your family doesn’t support you like mine does.’