We’ve been known to say that a bad apology is in many ways worse than no apology, and that if you don’t think you’re wrong, don’t offer a half-assed apology — one that doesn’t truly acknowledge wrongdoing. BUT. This quote is also correct. From The Gottman Institute, whose work on marriage is worth reading about, it reminds me of a brief Ogden Nash poem, “A Word to Husbands.”
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
It also reminds me of advice from my mom: Is it more important to be right, or happy?
Here at SorryWatch, we highlight egregious bad apologies (and good ones! we love good ones! there just aren’t ENOUGH of them!), but rarely is life entirely black and white. Often when we have the opportunity to apologize, we’re neither entirely in the right nor entirely in the wrong. We have a choice, then, to apologize from a place of non-self-righteous non-douchery. It’s not easy, because we are all defensive creatures whose fragile egos have a hard time admitting that we’re in the wrong, in any way whatsoever. But we can choose to apologize for making a point in a jerky way. For hitting below the belt. For bullying. For nagging. For continuing a fight long past the point of having a point. For not acknowledging the other person’s point of view and dignity.
Valuing ANYTHING over our egos is hella hard, but it’s seriously that simple of a choice, and I like the way they put that.