It’s almost time. That time when a strangely-assorted group of people travel in their thousands to a flat dry dustpan to camp, build artworks, ignite spectacular flames, dance, give things to each other, and burn artworks down. And things too fierce to mention.
Yeah, Burning Man. Where, like every place humans gather, apologies are often called for and sometimes given.
Brilliant interactive fire piece. Everything my mother points at bursts into flame. About time.
We’re rerunning our most popular apologies-on-the-playa post – “Apologies from the desert with no pants on” – below. If that’s not enough for your dusty-sorry needs, you can also check out our post about a sound camp’s apology for their P.R. being too good, or our post about the Burning Man misdeed so dreadful that it even shocked the people at Playapology Camp, who’ve heard a lot of confessions….
Or a wonderfully photographed story from High Country News about Burning Man cleanup.
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SorryWatch went to Burning Man this year. Actually half of SorryWatch went to Burning Man. The Sumac half.
Sumac and The Horse Doc (not her actual playa name) were lounging on the couches at Liminal Labs when thoughtful, kindly observers xtraslky and Dr. Cheezie told us there was an apology camp at Burning Man – Playapology.
We did some research to find the exact location, and biked to the camp, which was at 9:15 and Consumer. Legwork is difficult at Burning Man, since people are constantly stepping into the roadway and offering you vodka tonics or iced coffee or grilled tri-tip or spraying you with water or calling out raunchy invitations, but we managed. We did it for you.
Wait, wait, what was SorryWatch wearing, you may ask? Enough.
There were 13 people in Playapology camp, having a splendid time. They were happy to talk as soon as they sent off a satisfied customer (arms full of wine and roses) who was on the way to apologize for a culinary appliance disaster in an RV.
The ebullient Liz told us that she and some other camp members — D-Stracted, MattKap, and Barb — had done a crepe camp in previous years. “We made 500 crepes a day. There were no shifts, so everyone was always mad at you.” This gave them valuable insight into the need for apologies. “We know, because we were the lazy ones.”
Can Radical Self-expression torpedo Communal Effort?
The idea came from D-Stracted. “Over the course of my seven burns I’ve made a lot of transgressions that I felt guilty about,” he said later. “When people are hungry and hot and sunburned and irritable… a lot of rancorous shit goes on.”
People who came to Playapology weren’t always clear on its concept. “People were confused,” D-Stracted said. “Sometimes they wouldn’t even know what they were there for. ‘What is this camp all about?’ It actually made people think about what they needed to apologize for, atone for.”
Perhaps an act of contrition?
“Some people were really bummed out when they came in. They really did need help.” Playapology was the right place. “Burning Man is very snarky. And that’s okay. This camp was very very sincere. It was heartfelt. We really did try to be helpful.”
The Playapology mission was to help people apologize. If you came in and wanted to apologize for something – or felt bad about a situation – or your campmates were mad at you for some reason – a Playapology mediator would sit and talk to you about it. Even if it was midnight. “They feel bad and they just want to talk,” said Liz.
“We really make people drill down and get more specific. What did you actually do? Not ‘I’m sorry you’re mad at me.’”
The coldest heart must melt.
Then they’d help you compose an apology. Maybe you give the injured party a card, some flowers (felt or silk, since live plants aren’t allowed at Burning Man), charms, or a sticker that says you’re the worst campmate ever. Wine – they’d slapped Playapology stickers on bottles of Two-Buck Chuck. One sticker read “Burning Man’s biggest asshole,” a title with a lot of competition.
They’d compose a sonnet for your apology if that seemed right. Or a song for a Sorrygram. Mediator Sue Fernandes was composing a haiku when we came by. She’d brought her violin to Burning Man. Which was lucky, because their planned-on minstrel had defected to the French Quarter. D-Stracted had brought a kazoo.
You might deliver the apology yourself, or get Playapology to do it. Liz enjoyed delivering apologies, although it wasn’t always easy to find the people who were supposed to get them. “I went into a polyamorous camp,” she said. Asking, “Does anybody know ‘Chris with dreadlocks’?”
There’s no need to say another word about it. NOT ANOTHER WORD.
D-Stracted delivered about ten apologies. “It was really gratifying…. A lot of people were so touched by the gesture – a lot of people cried. A lot of people hugged us. I think it made some people’s burn.”
What did people apologize for? Liz said it was “evenly split between relationship issues and bad things in camps.” A enthusiastic customer broke in to say what she was apologizing for. “I met some boy, and I was really loud with the boy, and my campmate was right there…” She pinched her fingers together to show how close her campmate was on the other side of a tent wall.
I felt so bad I couldn’t sleep.
An employee of one of the government agencies that has a Burning Man presence asked for help (“ignore my uniform”) with an apology to a woman for telling people – untruthfully – that she had “camp clap.” He was tearful and seemed distraught, but when he insisted on adding his phone number to the apology, Liz called him on it. “He just wanted to give the girl his number!”
She also refused to assist a guy who didn’t seem to take Playapology seriously. “He wanted to apologize to Mother Earth. I was like ‘Get out. You want to deliver it to the trash fence?’”
One guy arrived on the first day, wanting to do a pre-emptive apology. “I know I am going to be a terrible boyfriend.” No.
Also sorry I mocked your tutu.
Quite a few people cried. “A girl came in that had cheated on her husband, and she started crying.” D-Stracted said. “It turned out she had just made out with a guy, and I was like ‘Oh my God, I had sex with somebody I wasn’t supposed to last night!’”
As we left, a tall guy in a utilikilt was looking for a mediator. He’d filled out his apology form, and his expression was serious. (What was that about?)
Playapology mediated about 100 apologies. They want to come back, and do many more apologies. “We were a little under the radar,” says D-Stracted. “We can do a better marketing effort next year.”
Here’s what I think of your act of contrition.
“Saying sorry is such an awesome fix. It doesn’t make things go away,” he says. But he says that if someone injures him – “If they apologize and I really feel that they’re sorry, I almost always forgive them.”
He saw that happen at Playapology. “It’s very meaningful. People were really into it. I can’t even tell you how into it they were.”
“People want to do nice things for each other and apologizing is nice,” says D-Stracted. “Even if you’re in the desert with no pants on, it’s still nice to say sorry.”
