It’s probably a coincidence that all these ways (spoiler alert: terrible) dovetail with our contention that a good apology needs to start with the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” That said, we might accept the “Here is $50,000.” And “Thank you for the opportunity to grow” is new to us, skin-crawlingly horrifying, and in need of inclusion on a Bad Apology Bingo card, stat. (Informative Caption is true: it really does “let people know that you are truly unbearable to be around”!)
Also, The Onion’s two-line observation about why “Forgive me” is not a good thing to say is more succinct and probably more effective than our eons of at-length explanation and hectoring about it:
Indeed. We know that a lot of teachers encourage kids to conclude an apology to a classmate with “Please forgive me” or “Will you accept my apology?” But we feel strongly that “I hope you’ll be able to forgive me” or “I’m going to work hard to try to earn your forgiveness” is way better. Asking for forgiveness is like asking for a gift. It’s rude. We don’t think kids should put their classmates on the spot like that, and we don’t think forgiveness is a quid-pro-quo after an apology. And um, we don’t want our children to make other children have to choose whether or not to be dicks.
In other news, check out this quick Yom Kippur-targeted primer on How to Teach Your Kids to Apologize. Spoiler alert: You have to apologize all year round. Snarly wrote this piece for PJ Library, a program modeled on Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, that sends free books about Jewishness and Jewish values to kids all over the world. (Our book Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies has a list of great classic children’s books about apology; one of them, Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes, is carried by PJ Library.
Some other PJ children’s books that aren’t mentioned in our book, but that Snarly also really likes, are: New Year at the Pier by April Halprin Wayland; Gershon’s Monster by Eric A. Kimmel; Sam & Charlie (and Sam Too) by Leslie Kimmelman; and Oh No, George! by Chris Haughton. The first three are explicitly Jewish; the last one is doggish.
For more thoughts on Yom Kippur and apologizing, check out our early posts on Maimonides. And Shana Tova to all who celebrate.
Been reading your book, it’s come up really handy when I’m explaining my new fantasy setting to my friend and then my Jewish friend walks in and points out that it’s SUPER problematic and yeah I know I’m rambling but a website like this is very useful for my current predicament! yeah I thought it would be a fun thing but, at least I learned other-wise before posting this online and getting a deluge of criticism>> the more you know! yeah maybe making all of the magic spells google-translated Hebrew swear words wasn’t a good idea… to say the least. thanks! you have done a big favor to all the bad people out there who need to say ‘sorry’! thanks Snarly and Sumac!