As the Covid-19 pandemic washes around the world, people act like people, sometimes well, sometimes badly. Sometimes they apologize for the bad parts.

People are giving out false or distorted information, making murderous suggestions, or indulging in criminal recklessness. And more, but those are big ones. Sometimes they apologize, but not so often.

Lots of dumb, bad, and/or mean behavior arises from ignorance and lack of imagination. Most of us are lucky – we’ve had no experience with plagues, epidemics, or pandemics. We also may not have read any history, or international news, or even fiction, about these things, and we may find it hard to imagine what life is like when serious contagious disease is rampaging out of control.

Perhaps that’s the case for Mike Ashley of Britain, billionaire owner of the Sports Direct chain. He’s a controversial figure, as they say, and if you want to know more, you could start by asking supporters of Newcastle United, a team which he bought and periodically offers for sale. Or people who work at his gulag – wait, his Sports Direct warehouse.

SorryWatch has not been following Ashley’s career, but now he’s created another controversy, and apologized.

The UK decreed that businesses must close for now unless they’re essential – essential like grocery stores, pharmacists, etc. Hospitals. This is, as you know, part of an urgent effort to keep the virus from spreading rapidly. Ashley said Sports Direct outlets are essential and would stay open. In times like these, what keeps upper lips stiffer than team-emblazoned clothing? If you can’t get a mask, what about a designer sports bra? Actually, no, they said they also sell sports equipment you could use to exercise at home.

The government said no, not essential. Ashley didn’t give up, lobbying furiously. Even tweeting prime minister Boris Johnson. (End run!) (Unpopular unsuccessful end run!)

The response from the public, Sports Direct staff, and the government was unfavorable. Widespread anger and contempt might be one way to put it. “Who on earth does Mike Ashley think he is? He’s prepared to endanger the life of his employees and the public at large,” said Ian Lavery, chair of the Labour Party.

After a few days, Ashley apologized in an open letter:

…I thought it was necessary to address and apologise for much of what has been reported across various media outlets regarding my personal actions and those of the Frasers Group business.

Our intentions were only to seek clarity from the Government as to whether we should keep some of our stores open; we would never have acted against their advice. In hindsight, our emails to the Government were ill-judged and poorly timed, when they clearly had much greater pressures than ours to deal with. On top of this, our communications to our employees and the public on this was poor.

There has been no dress rehearsal for what we as a nation are currently tackling, and I for one am immensely proud of how our Government, our NHS & all of our key workers have handled the situation so far. I would especially like to thank my Frasers Group employees… We are working very hard to save our business, so that we can continue to be one of the biggest employers on the UK high street once this pandemic has passed.

…I have offered our support to the NHS and we are poised and ready for when that offer is accepted, with our entire fleet of lorries at their disposal – to help deliver medical equipment and supplies….

Finally, to reiterate, I am deeply apologetic about the misunderstandings of the last few days. We will learn from this and will try not to make the same mistakes in the future.

I strongly encourage everyone to follow the Government’s advice, stay safe and healthy through these challenging times, not least my employees.

That is not a good apology. It’s evasive. If you let him slide on saying “it’s necessary to… apologise” and “I am deeply [apologetic]” rather than “I apologise”, you should still notice that he does not actually say what he’s apologizing for. He just says communications were ill-judged, poorly timed, and yeah, poor. He doesn’t say that what he was trying to achieve would have put tens of thousands of people at risk of disease, not to mention death, including those employees he says he’s so fond of. (See that gulag link for more about the alleged tenderness with which employees are treated.)

There’s a backhanded swipe at the media, followed by excuses. We were only trying to seek clarity! It was a misunderstanding! We never had a dress rehearsal! (We SO did not see the Spanish Inquisition coming! Did u?)

There’s flag waving to show Ashley’s and the companies’ patriotism! Have a fleet of lorries on us!

So, no.

Sports Direct isn’t the only entity that thinks its business is more essential than keeping healthy people from catching the virus from people who don’t know they’re sick. Hello, hobby supplier. Good morning, Pastor. Hi, President Falwell, I’d like you to meet my blackjack dealer.

Lockdowns are absolutely dreadful for most businesses. Many won’t survive. But don’t feel too bad for Sports Direct. That equipment they sell to keep fit at home? You can order it online, and Sports Direct has jacked up the prices!

Thanks, and a cordial although distant hat-tip, to Wendy G.