In the wake of several terrible celebrity apologies (Hi, Bill!), the ever-observant Sumac noted to Snarly in an email that bragpology seems to be a fun, skeevy trend. Let us define terms: Bragpology is a boast hidden inside an expression of regret. (Sometimes the expression of regret is hidden inside the boast. And it can be very, very hard to discern.)
To wit:
“I’m a sinner!”
“I’m so grateful for the opportunity to educate myself !”
“I’m an artist!”
“I’m a truth-teller! It is my role in society!”
“I’m a comic! I move the line!”
“I’m a heel/a rat bastard/unable to peel the sluts off me!”
“Doing press for a multi-million-dollar movie is grueling and exhausting!”
“I say what I think! You know where you stand with me!”
“I say things that are sometimes unpopular even within my own ‘political group'”!
“I’m shining a light on a systemic problem!”
“We sometimes experience overbook situations because we are so, so popular!”
“We are all incredibly upset about this!”
“I am paying the price, but I deserve it.”
“Through my past three years of recovery and rehabilitation…”
“I have no ill will towards those who spread hate and speak out negatively against me.”
“We are better parents, we are better lovers, and we are also better friends” because of that security cam footage of me beating my wife into unconsciousness in an elevator.
We know we have posted a lot of bad apologies lately, and for that, we apologize. We know we owe you some life-affirming, good apologies. It’s just that we have been sooooo busy in the wake of our recent unexpected New York Magazine appearance, it’s really humbling. We’re really sorry.
New York Magazine! Woot Woot! All is forgiven