I have no context for this note, but does it really need context?

 

Why Riley’s Apology Note Is Better Than The Daily Beast’s Apology Note: 

1. Simplicity. There’s no talk about Riley’s noble tradition of standing up to bullies, being a supportive voice of the LGBT community, or marching at the forefront of journalistic integrity. No, this is just about a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to put a booger on him.
2. Actually, this might be about might be a girl, standing in front of another girl, asking her to put a booger on her. Riley is a gender-neutral name. THE DAILY BEAST FAILED TO DISPLAY GENDER-NEUTRAL COVERAGE and instead published an entire feature about men seeking sex with other men.
3. Unlike The Daily Beast, Riley offers reparations. Here is the booger. An eye for an eye.
4. Warmth. Riley concludes the note with “love” rather than with defensiveness.

Play-by-play Head-to-Head Apology Analysis from Senior Apology Correspondent Snarly: 

Neither Riley nor The Daily Beast offers an explanation for the initial offense, and neither explains precisely how they will ensure that it does not happen again. But because Riley’s tone is less self-justifying, defensive, self-aggrandizing, faux-heroic, and because Riley is more direct and does a far better job owning the sin (their note does not use the term “inadvertently,” though Riley certainly could have said, “Although I chased you with my booger, I never assumed you thought I’d smear it on you, because it was a JOKE, Ciara, A JOKE — but since you inadvertently and mistakenly thought that was my aim and you misunderstood my intentions, that is on me, and though I am not the decider I am the owner of the finger in question, and mistakes were made,” Riley DID NOT SAY THAT. Riley simply apologized in a way that sounds straightforward and sincere and has thoughtfully gone the extra mile of providing a way to make things right.

Final Score: Riley 1, Daily Beast 0.