Quick recap: A few days ago, quotes from a 2006 Salon story about the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, Mike Jeffries, resurfaced in a story about why Abercrombie’s largest women’s size is a 10. Jeffries had said that for his brand, sex appeal is “almost everything.” He continued, “That’s why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that.” And that’s very deliberate. “In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told Salon. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

The poop hit the fan with the velocity of a drunken frat boy’s vomit. (A cool, good-looking frat boy.) Reactions ranged from a plan to give homeless people Abercrombie clothing to an Occupy Abercrombie & Fitch movement in which plus-size people will storm the store’s cool and popular barricades nationwide on May 25. Do you hear the fat people sing, Mike Jeffries?

Finally Abercrombie responded on Facebook.

A note from Mike, our CEO:

I want to address some of my comments that have been circulating from a 2006 interview. While I believe this 7 year old, resurrected quote has been taken out of context, I sincerely regret that my choice of words was interpreted in a manner that has caused offense. A&F is an aspirational brand that, like most specialty apparel brands, targets its marketing at a particular segment of customers. However, we care about the broader communities in which we operate and are strongly committed to diversity and inclusion. We hire good people who share these values. We are completely opposed to any discrimination, bullying, derogatory characterizations or other anti-social behavior based on race, gender, body type or other individual characteristics.

I ran this through Google’s schmuck-to-English translation:

I regret that this thing I said EONS AGO was taken out of an unnamed and unclarified context, and I’m sorry you’re interpreting this unnamed and unclarified contextualized thing in a way that is deeply hurtful to me. And to the other good-looking people like me who are good people because we know words like ‘diversity’ and ‘inclusion.’ And because we can move our mouths in a way that lets those words out. Is that not the definition of heroism? I think it is. Cool and popular people are good, which entitles us to not want fat gross unpopular people in our stores. And by ‘we are opposed to discrimination’ I mean that fat people are gross and unpopular and we don’t want them in our stores but we also want our stock price to remain high. I’m deeply, deeply sorry you don’t understand that.

In other words, this is the worst apology we have examined on this site in a very long time. Maybe ever.

I was amused by a well-liked comment  (120 likes the last time I looked) on the post from a user named Peggy Rosky, saying “I find it quite ironic that the CEO of AF is quite likely one of the most unattractive men I have ever laid eyes on. He looks like a foot.”

Oh, stop. He does not look like a foot.

foot.

Mike Jeffries.

The Lizard from The Amazing Spider Man.

Jocelyn Wildenstein.

The Cowardly Lion.

You had so many other choices, Peggy.

Yes, I am aware that pointing out Jeffries’s hypocrisy is unfair. All of us are subject to cultural pressure to remain young and hot. One way to respond is by having so many facelifts your ears meet at the top of your head. But another way to respond is to try to embrace a wider standard of beauty. There’s not only money in plus sizes, but also positive press and perhaps even a meaningful social impact in choosing to see loveliness in difference.

Not that Abercrombie seems at all interested. In another bit of bad news for the company this week, another of its brands, Hollister, was found to be deliberately violating the Americans with Disabilities Act. (People in wheelchairs apparently aren’t cool or popular either.) Abercrombie has a history of problems with bias that are probably all taken out of context.

But here’s the thing: Don’t apologize if you’re not actually going to apologize. You’ll just look like more of a pathetic, defensive, un-self-aware weasel.