Pre-Apology!
Pratt is funny (this scene of him as Andy on Parks and Rec, acting out the movie Roadhouse when the cable feed doesn’t work, is all improv, or so my Parks and Rec superfan informs me). He has not, to my knowledge, ever insulted a coworker or made gross sexist statements, even on an exhausting press tour (WAH WAH RENNER WAH).
Pratt’s joke pre-apology is open-ended; it mocks his own potential and infinite idiocy. Equinox’s fake-joke pre-apology (which they spelled wrong) is self-satisfied, calculated, brand-building as bro-ness. (“To the hotel manager who has the unfortunate job of trying to enforce the ‘Pool Closes at Midnight’ rule, I preapologize.” “To the cab driver who will see something he won’t be able to un-see in the rearview, I preapologize.” “For the story you’ll hear about your colleague who took casual Friday a bit too far, I preapologize.”) Equinox’s pre-apologies are cynical, insincere justifications for acting like a drunken, groping, selfish, underdressed dick. Because it’s OK to be a dick if you have spent the winter getting super-ripped! And then Equinox wanted us all to use (shudder) #preapologize as hashtag lemming schmuckitude. This is the icing on the Donkey Sauce.
Are we clear on the difference between actual funny-person pre-apologizing and Axe-drenched-Nickleback-listening-poolside-bellowing-spray-tan-sporting-Gaston-emulating pre-apologizing? Good.
PS. I did not use the term dadbod in this entire post. MONEY, PLEASE.
Equinox should now post-apologize for capitalizing “Summer.”
Notice how I heroically restrained myself from adding “and for hiring Terry Richardson.” (Oh wait, I guess I didn’t.)
What’s endearing in an individual is never good in a company (because, despite arguments to the contrary, corporations ARE STILL NOT PEOPLE). It’s human nature to know we’re going to blow it (See, “I’ll Say I’m Sorry Now,” Shawn Colvin) and the entreaty in this slightly tongue-in-cheek request for clemency in the face of humanity is in essence the grace we all wish for from one another.
But, not from a company, which has lawyers and PR managers and strategists and marketing directors, and money and space and time to think things over. Then no, no. No.
Way to differentiate, Tanita. Agreed.