We tried to relegate Lululemon’s last dimwitted apology to our Facebook page (feel free to “like” it to enjoy apologies we do not deign to cover at length here) but Lululemon, like a bunny-boiling anti-feminist icon, will not be ignored.

When last we checked in, the purveyor of pants for the privileged was apologizing for mocking a domestic violence charity. (A store in Dallas put up a giant front window display saying “we do partners yoga, not partners card” —  a reference to a membership program other Dallas stores belong to that raises money for local women’s shelters.) After a public outcry, the local store apologized on October 29th on its FB page: “We are truly sorry for the window display over the weekend. Even though it was not our intention to offend anyone, that is in fact what happened.” YOU DON’T SAY.

The store then compounded the problem by adding, in a post since deleted from FB, “Although we choose not to participate in Partners Card, we choose to give back in a different way. We are working in collaboration with Family Place to offer the gift of yoga, and what we can create together.” The only problem with that, according to Dallas news site CultureMap, was that no one had told The Family Place. There was no collaboration, no partnership, and astonishingly, no truth to the notion that abused women fleeing for their lives immediately say, “Gee, what do I need most right now? THE GIFT OF YOGA!”

When the store did reach out about a “collaboration,” Family Place executive director Paige Flink told CultureMap, “I let [the manager] know that funding is the best way they can help the Family Place, but apparently writing checks directly to a non profit is not how they choose to help. Their preferred method of providing support is through yoga classes or wellness lessons.”

A week later, on November 3rd, the store announced on its FB page (a post that’s still there) that they’ll donate $10K and wellness classes for the shelter staff.

In other news, Lululemon does not apologize for not stocking sizes over a women’s 12. Lululemon did not apologize for putting Ayn Rand quotes on its bags. Lululemon did not apologize for its founder, Chip Wilson, blogging about the Pill in 2009 that “females no longer had to ‘make’ relationships work because with birth control came a sense of financial and life control.” Lululemon did not apologize for Wilson saying in 2005 that, “Ninety-five per cent of the factories I’ve seen in the Orient are far better than ones in North America. In China, many people come from the western provinces and their goal is to work seven days a week 16 hours a day, because in five years they want to have a pile of money to go home with and start a business.” (That is so Ayn Rand of them!) Lululemon did not apologize for Wilson essentially saying that women’s lib caused breast cancer rates to skyrocket.

Lululemon is the Chuck Norris of non-apologies.

To continue, now that I’ve done some diaphragmatic breathing, Lululemon did not apologize for that incident a few years ago when the NYT found that its VitaSea clothing—the company claimed that seaweed in the fabric “releases marine amino acids, minerals and vitamins into the skin upon contact with moisture”—contained no seaweed. (In his defense, Wilson said, “If you actually put it on and wear it, it is different from cotton. That’s my only test of it.” HE TESTED IT! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? (Lululemon still sells the product, sans algae-based promises.)

Lululemon eventually DID apologize for the insane see-through-ness of its yoga pants, but not before accusing its customers of simply buying them too small. (They recalled 17% of their stock anyway, and blamed a Taiwanese supplier in whom Ayn Rand was totally disappointed.)

When people JUST KEPT COMPLAINING about the quality of the apparently-once-awesome fabric (if it’s not see-through, it’s pilling!), even after the recall and even after CEO Christine Day announced that she’d step down as soon as a successor was found, Wilson dished out some Galtian truth-telling: The pilling is caused by chub-rub. “They [the pants] don’t work for certain, for some women’s bodies,” Wilson said on Bloomberg TV. “It’s really about the rubbing through the thighs.”

Well, that went over like a plus-size model on a pro-ana site! Only a day later, on November 8, Wilson apologized, all dewy-eyed.

This is Rob-Ford-level bad. (It’s been a banner week for Canadian apologies.) “I’m sad. I’m really sad. I’m sad for the repercussions of my actions.” NOT HOW YOU BEGIN, CHIPPER. It’s not about you and your feelings. It’s about the people you insulted and the ownership of poor-quality material you refuse to shoulder. You should not be sad for the repercussions; you should be sad for the actions. He really doesn’t get it.

Then we learn that Wilson is sad for his employees. Still no word about his customers (who bought a lousy, very expensive product) and non-customers (size 14+ women who work out, and their friends and allies). He takes responsibility for AN UNNAMED THING! No, he takes responsibility for ALL THE THINGS! “All that has occurred!” The meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs! Who were too fat for Lululemon BUT STILL! And please, do not be mean to him. Be “above the fray.” Be a team player. Prove that “the culture you built,” the culture of super-elite high-status pants, is worth saving, not a symptom of a morally bankrupt society.

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