Dear SorryWatch:
Boarding a plane recently, an already seated passenger complained that my bag hit his face. I said I was really sorry. Later, exiting, I apologized again: I’m very sorry. I just got so distracted. He said “yeah.” Was this apology sufficient? Is there something else I should have said or done?
Signed, Contrite in First Class
(I got upgraded at the last minute and there was a rush to move and find bag space.)
Dear Contrite –
There you are, genuinely sorry, and you apologize, and it doesn’t help. What the – ?
Two reasons – failure to Name the Sin, and timing.
Fasten your seatbelts…
Why does it help to name the sin? Isn’t it obvious what you’re apologizing for?
Although, yes, it is obvious, it is still valuable to say what you’re apologizing for. E.g., “I’m really sorry I hit you with my baggage. And your face, too! That’s terrible – I had no idea I was doing that.”
By naming the sin, you show it’s not just one of those habitual cries of ‘Sorry!’ that jerks use to try to ease their annoying passages through other people’s lives/personal spaces.
On the contrary, you realize what you did in this specific situation.
Carry-on luggage being escorted by Vivien Leigh & Sir Laurence Olivier
The other problem is timing. He was probably sitting there fuming during the flight. When you made your second, longer apology at exit, he ungraciously said “yeah” – not really accepting your apology – because he knew he shouldn’t say what he was thinking, which was probably something about awful entitled people, and what is the point of being in first class if boors smack you in the face with their luggage?
So if you had apologized with more detail at the beginning, you could have headed that off.
Of course maybe he’s just a sorehead who would have been resentful no matter what – maybe he was resentful before you even got there – maybe he was resentful before you were born – but at least you would know you did all the right things.
