A county park ranger spotted two people he described as “making out” in a car in the parking lot at Lebanon Hills Regional Park in Dakota County, Minnesota. He went over to fling metaphorical cold water on this overly-public activity. Another car was parked close by in a non-standard orientation.

The ungrateful recipients of his attention readjusted their garments and argued about whether they were double parked.

Thus far, not the most shocking thing SorryWatch has ever heard. Sadly, SorryWatch detects double parking all over the place, all the time.

The ranger, 20-year old Jordan Moses, gave each of them a citation for “causing a public nuisance.”

Then someone tipped off the Pioneer Press. The citations had been issued to state representatives Tim Kelly and Tara Mack. Married, but not to each other. As Mack and Kelly are both Republicans (she of Apple Valley, he of Red Wing), maybe it was a shocked Democrat who was the tipster. Or a peevish Independent.

A Pioneer Press person sallied down to the courthouse and pulled up the ranger’s notes. Which said that Mack’s pants and belt had been down to mid-thigh and that she was wearing ‘blue-teal’ underpants. And that they hadn’t replied to his asking why her pants were down. Even to say, ‘Well, duh.”

Kelly and Mack responded to press reports with outrage.

Each said the ranger was a huge liar, against whom they would take action. Mack said “Last week, I received a citation for a nuisance. I have been told the officer wrote in his notes — information that I’ve requested, but has not yet been made public to me — statements that are completely false and inappropriate (and apparently were obtained illegally). I will be filing a complaint with the sheriff’s office regarding the officer’s egregious and false statements.”

Kelly said he had merely been passing through town, and stopped to exchange documents with Mack.

(Hypothetical dialogue:

SW: Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Tim Kelly: SHUT UP. To exchange documents about a HEALTH PLAN. Yes. An Owatonna-based HEALTH PLAN.)

He said they had simply been exchanging documents (…) when the ranger approached and claimed they were double parked. Kelly told the Pioneer Press, “I disputed his characterization and got out of the car to take a picture. He became visibly agitated and returned to his own car. Approximately ten minutes later, he returned to my vehicle with a parking ticket citing a nuisance. When I asked what that meant, he responded ‘whatever I want it to mean.’”

He said the part about Mack’s pants was “an absolute lie.” He hinted to the Red Wing Republican Eagle that the timing of the citation was mighty curious: “It just seems very convenient it’s released now.” He spoke of rotten politics, and alluded to an attack ad against him in 2012, and to a charge of illegal campaigning that was afterward dismissed.

Both paid their fines, nor did they actually file complaints against the ranger. Around this time, Dakota County Sheriff Tim Leslie let Mack know that these notes were indeed on the public record, and that those notorious muckrakers, the Associated Press, were nosing around.

Leslie told the Star Tribune, “She did not comment other than to say this is very salacious and that she is married to a minister and her career could be ruined.” Sheriff Leslie responded to her musings by saying “I understood that but if you are choosing to say that the park ranger lied… I have a big problem.”

She had previously confided to the sheriff that it might have been Divine Providence that the ranger came along to ‘save her from an uncomfortable situation.’ She asked if the ranger had been wearing a body camera (no).

Kelly and Mack issued separate statements saying they were moving on, letting it drop, and spending more time with their families. Each agreed to leave the House Ethics Committee. Various Democrats in the statehouse started saying the two should apologize.

Mack issued a statement saying:

Since becoming a State Representative in 2009, I have been a strong supporter of our men and women in law enforcement. I understand that the Park Ranger was trying to do his job. I have the utmost respect for the work law enforcement does to keep Minnesotans safe and I apologize for offending these great men and women.

Kelly issued one saying:

After serious reflection on the last two weeks, I can say that I am disappointed in myself for the way I handled my disagreement with a park ranger. I reacted to this in an emotional way and certainly without respect and professionalism. Several of my own family members serve in law enforcement and I have nothing but respect for the entire community. There is a proper way to handle conflicts and as a state representative you should certainly expect me to do so. I apologize to my constituents, to the law enforcement community and to the state of Minnesota.

Two lousy apologies. (Twin souls?) Mack vaguely apologizes for offending law enforcement officers, but doesn’t say how. She doesn’t admit that she lied about Moses being a liar. Kelly does the same, at greater length. Neither of them names the transgression, and neither of them apologizes to Moses.

Democrat Dan Schoen also thought the apologies were too general, and should be directed to Jordan and to the Dakota County Sheriff’s office. Kelly replied that those are included in the “law enforcement community” to whom he apologized. Schoen made noises about an ethics investigation.

Minority Leader Paul Thissen, of the Democratic-Farmer-Labor party, was also discontented, grousing that “neither member answers the central question about whether the initial claim that the officer lied was false.”

It’s a simple case of the cover-up being worse than the crime. Unless perhaps you are married to one of these legislators, in which case you might still be focused on the crime.

Some people will in fact ask why consenting adults can’t exchange documents in a private vehicle without being interrupted. Sheriff Leslie puts it this way: “We have families and children running around, so we just want to have some decorum there.”