Dov Seidman haz a sad.

dov, in happier times.

Surely you remember Dov.

When the NYT announced it was launching a blog called Apology Watch, to be spearheaded by biz macher Aaron Andrew Sorkin, Mr. Seidman (an ethical image consultant to businesses) was the expert contributor. We promptly pointed out to Seidman, Sorkin and the paper’s ombud that SorryWatch had already achieved core competency in the bleeding-edge next-level apology analysis space, that we’d been opening the kimono on apologies for nearly two years, and that if one had merely GOOGLED Apology Watch before announcing its launch one would see immediately that SorryWatch existed despite certain folks’s claim that they had ZERO CLUE of our existence. (We also noted that for a company with super-strict conflict-of-interest rules, allowing someone with a financial interest in corporate apology to use the NYT as free advertising for his business was a little baffling.) Gawker noted the exquisite irony of an apology blog refusing to apologize for ripping off an apology blog.

you are about to read of some SINISTER YOGURT.

ANYHOO. We expressed dismay that the NYT was going to eat our lunch. (Healthy salads.) And we received a reply from Seidman saying that his only desire was to elevate the public conversation and consciousness of apology, but he embraced our contribution to the dialogue and welcomed the chance to connect and explore. Later, we published some internal emails showing that Dov’s consultancy, LRN (in particular its “People and Principled Performance Council,” which I think was in the movie Divergent?), has a history of terrible apologies. But all that is yogurt under the bridge!

news of the DEMON YOGURT is coming.

You see, Dov has written a book called How, which several former employees told us they were urged to give five-star reviews to on Amazon. (If you check out the reviews, or look at LRN’s reviews on Glassdoor.com, some of which mention being told to review the book and post positive reviews of the company on Glassdoor, it’s pretty dang clear which reviews have been written by Kool-Aid-drinkers. The fact that nearly all the reviews are five stars or one star is entertaining. BUT I DIGRESS.) Dov is now suing Chobani yogurt, whose new slogan is “How Matters.” Because they’re impinging on his intellectual property. Let that sink in a moment, won’t you? Just let it sink in, like a chocolate chip into a drift of Almond-Coco-Loco Chobani Flip™.

oh, it’s all peachy until Dov’s intellectual property is threatened.

This is what it sounds like when Dovs cry!  Now you know, Patrick DiJusto! Dov cries because Dov was first with the word HOW. Dov owns How. You may ask: Wait, why doesn’t he just want to elevate the public consciousness and connect and explore about yogurt? Why does first-ness only matter when it is connected to Dov-ness, and not to two dainty salad-eatin’ ovary-totin’ apology-analyzin’ ladies? Why ask why? Let’s see whether Chobani apologizes. The company does have a lot of practice.