Local Fox News anchor if-apologizes (“if-apology” definition: if anyone was offended/if you don’t understand my sense of humor/if my job is in jeopardy unless I backpedal in some half-assed manner, then I APOLOGIZE, OK?) for saying “Rachel Maddow is such an angry young man” on Facebook. Said anchor’s first reaction to being called out was to say “I should have said ‘antagonistic'” — get it? because I STILL SAY RACHEL MADDOW LOOKS LIKE A MAN, HYUK HAR HAR! When anti-defamation groups were somehow not placated, anchorette posted another status update (after deleting the first two):

I recently posted comments on my personal Facebook page regarding cable news anchor Rachel Maddow which were insensitive and inappropriate. I apologize to Ms. Maddow and any others who may have been offended by my comments, as they do not reflect my firm beliefs in individual and equal rights, and they certainly do not represent the opinions or position of my employer WXIX-TV.

The mention of the employer is a dead giveaway that the apology was driven by outside concerns (for, say, a paycheck) rather than by remorse of any sort. “May have been offended” is wrong, because people assuredly were offended — ain’t no “may” about it. Maybe not Rachel Maddow, who probably has better things to worry about than some permatanned homophobe named Tricia Macke in Cincinnati, but GLAAD and an equality advocacy organization in anchorette’s hometown were indeed offended.

As for the angry young man jibe…we at SorryWatch are not interested in discussing people’s appearances. We discuss apologies. But this apology analyst could not help recalling what Rachel Maddow looked like in high school:

Bleached blonde in pearls.

If she’d wanted, 40 or 50 years later, to look like this…

Bleached blonde in pearls.

…it’s pretty certain she could. The problem, of course, with saying snarky things about people’s appearances, which I may or may not have just done, but if I did and if anyone was offended I apologize, is that it can bite you in the ass. Personally and politically.

That Ann Coulter was such an angry young man, back in the ’70s.

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