I had a lovely escapist time reading Fallen Angel, the latest “Only in Tokyo” murder mystery. It pleasingly entwines police procedural and (literally) star-crossed love with cool information about the Tokyo host club scene and other amazing things that happen after I have once again made the mistake of falling asleep thousands of miles away. It also reminded me that Japanese has so many words for apologizing that it makes English look grunty.

Host and hostess clubs signs, Ginza. Probably no cat cafes.

But you can’t just insert any Japanese apology into any Japanese situation. They have to match the context. From Fallen Angel I deduce that you might say “Sumimasen” if you were apologizing to a wealthy host club patron for not spending enough time with her. But not if you were apologizing to the injured victim of an unsolved crime for disturbing them in their hospital room. Then you might say “O-jamaa shimasu.”

And if you were apologizing to a superior officer for allowing a suspect to overpower you, “Moshiwake gozaimasen” would be the way to go.

That’s only a beginning. Japan Talk, a travel and culture guide, offers eleven situations with the appropriate apology vocabularies. Late to lunch with girlfriends? “Gomen ne.” Run a company that released a defective product? Start with “Moushiwake gozaimasen deshita.” Oh no, you disrespected your shogun? “Makoto ni moushiwake gozaimasen deshita.”

You do not just walk up to me and try to pick me up. Not if you want to keep all that skin.

Jonelle Patrick, who writes the “Only in Tokyo” mysteries, is a friend. I rely on her knowledge of modern Japanese culture. She’s the first person I would ask if I were visiting Tokyo and needed to know how to apologize making someone meet me at a cat cafe without finding out if they’re allergic to cats. Or for putting the hilarious video of their sneezing fit on YouTube. Or worst of all, daring to pick up one of the cats.

For that offense, she suggests “Neko-sama, moshiawake gozaimasendeshita. Itami nashi de, koroshite kurete kudasai.” Which means, “Please accept my humblest apologies for disturbing your slumber, O Exalted Cat. Please kill me painlessly.”