A woman is walking a large dog of a certain age along a residential sidewalk. Although portly, grizzled, and respectably rain-coated, dog is what police would probably call a “pit bull mix.” (Cue: SCARY MUSIC WITH GRATUITOUS RATTLESNAKES.) I’ll call him Raincoat. Raincoat is on a leash.
Gismo is likely wearing this raincoat because his owners think it’s cute, not because they plan to let him get wet.
Man opens front door of home, and two tiny dogs charge out. Police might say “Chihuahua mixes” or “terrier mixes.” (Cue: CREEPY SKITTERY MUSIC.) I’ll call them Hans and Fritz. Ignoring man’s calls, they race down the steps, and rush up behind Raincoat barking fiercely. HEY ASSHOLE, GET OFF OUR SIDEWALK!
Raincoat is startled. Raincoat wheels, chomps Hans on the chest, grips, and holds on.
Unholy din. Hans screams, screams, screams. Fritz barks hysterically. Woman plops to ground and wrestles Raincoat, shouting “DOWN!” and “NO!” Man, though he knows this is not how to stop a dog fight, tries to pry Hans out of Raincoat’s jaws. He finally succeeds. Of course his hand is bitten in the process. That is what happens when you put your hand in a dog’s mouth during a dogfight. He rushes Hans and Fritz indoors.
(Cue: MELANCHOLY FIDDLE TUNE.) Man comes out again. Talks ensue. No one wants to make a big deal. No one wants to be accused of having a dangerous dog, or of letting dogs run loose. Hans will go to vet. Man will get his punctures cleaned up by medical personnel. Woman says “I’m so sorry,” offers to pay. Offer declined. Woman says Raincoat was startled by attack from the rear, but still shouldn’t react that way. Repeats “I’m so sorry.”
Everyone is shook up. Except Raincoat, who sniffs man’s hand with mild interest. Oh yeah, that happened. (Cue: MINDLESS BOUNCY TUNE.)
SorryWatch thinks: Man should apologize for letting unleashed dogs run onto sidewalk. He didn’t mean to, and he tried to stop them, but he didn’t keep it from happening.
Note firm grip on small dog. (Jazz Bo, aka Hoya.)
Woman shouldn’t have to apologize for walking her dog on a leash. Should she apologize for having a dog that bites a smaller dog in self-defense? No – that’s what dogs do. Why does she apologize? Because she’s miserable that Hans got hurt. She’s sorry it happened. She’s sorry she didn’t see it coming in time to stop it. That makes sense.
What if dogs could apologize? Raincoat didn’t seem regretful. I suppose he takes the view that anyone who jumps him from behind deserves to be bitten. Those are dog rules. He was minding his business when out of nowhere howling legions attacked from the rear. He didn’t stop to count his enemies. Or weigh them.
What about Hans and Fritz? They must wish the whole thing hadn’t happened. But from their point of view, Raincoat was on their territory. That’s the heart of the matter.
If Raincoat had perceived himself to be on some other dog’s turf, he would have been warier. In fact he was on a public sidewalk, and was getting the message that it was okay to walk there from his owner. Hans and Fritz were wrong that the sidewalk is their sidewalk. But they had spent a lot of time on the porch and steps (under close supervision), and they got the wrong idea.
Not all dog clothing is adorable, Kapitän Fröliche.
“Sorry pal! We thought you were trespassing. Turns out we had completely the wrong impression about the boundaries of our territory. We blame the humans. It won’t happen again! Next time we’ll stay on the stairs and bark at you from there, okay?”
It’s my guess that if the small dogs had approached from the front, Raincoat wouldn’t have been startled. He might have accepted their territorial claim. And the small dogs wouldn’t have been quite so fierce and brave if they saw Raincoat head-on. They would have barked, and maybe Raincoat’s reaction would have been a weary “Oh kid. Do you lick your mother with that mouth?” And no fight would have taken place. (A friend who’s knowledgeable about dogs has a different view, however. She takes a darker view of Raincoat’s probable innate fighting tendencies.)
Hey Fancy Feast! Your mama kisses mailmen!
I’ll floss with your guts!
Your daddy squats to pee! On puppy pads!
What’s the matter? Cat got your dinner?
It’s not clear the small dogs learned anything. Hans is fine, but had to get some stitches. While stitches were still in, Hans was taken for a car ride. Spotting two big dogs (one a pit bull type), Hans went crazy, barking a volley of curses.
What if someone had opened the car door? Would Hans have jumped out of the car (a moveable territory) and tried to get in the big dogs’ faces? I bet not.
But I wouldn’t want to put it to a test. (Cue: BAGPIPES.)
